Believe me, I have done a lot of reflecting on my marriage and my whole love life/dating life, but that is nothing I particularly want to share with whomever I'm dating, and I wouldn't ask such questions of them.
Every pairing is unique and different. What went wrong between them and a past signifigant other has NOTHING to do with whatever potentional pairing could be happening now. One coach at a match making service told us don't EVER tell a man your sad divorce story, no matter how much he prys. They WILL judge you for it. At my age (58) there is NO relationship history that can't be looked at with a cynical jaded view. Never married ? Couldn't make the commitment. Divorced ? Couldn't keep the commitment. Divorced due to the spouse having an affair ? You must have neglected your spouse, or drove them to an affair. Divorced due to YOU having an affair ? You bitch. Widowed ? She will idealize her deceased spouse, and I will be forever competing with a ghost.
This is why I have a don't ask, don't tell policy about relationship history. Whatever comes up organically, fine. I expect to know about any children from prior unions. There will be instances where the existence of an ex spouse will have to come up in the conversation.
But if a date grilled me about my divorce and wanted to know what I did wrong, I would next them.
Your question comes off as taking their painful experience and pointing the finger of blame at them.
Reference: dominant-male.blogspot.com
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