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Internet dating brought back hope to those who have lost hope in their quest for love. There are over thousands of online-dating sites today. Do you know that it was quite unpopular before? But because of the internet growing rapidly online dating sites grew in number.
May people might feel a little hesitant at first. Nothing compares the real dating scene but with today's hectic lifestyle and limited time one often finds no time for real dating. This is where internet dating comes in. Dating online allows you to have all the time in the world to search for your perfect match.
It doesn't require you to go for dates after dates and go home with unsuccessful dates. Internet dating gives you the opportunity to meet millions of other people who are searching for their perfect match. You are given many options and you are able to choose wisely before even engaging with the date itself.
This gives you an advantage since you will be able to know something about that person before even meeting him. Since there are many people signing up everyday you are able to meet them respectively. You have better options of finding your perfect match.
The best way to get your perfect date partner is to make sure that you have a perfect profile with real information. Nothing beats honesty when it comes to internet dating. Though it runs virtually every person behind the profile have the same goal as you do.
Make sure you don't fall fo
NOW PAY CLOSE ATTENTION --
Online Dating has been the most popular way to hookup with women but many guys don't have a clue how to get the job done...
[PROBLEM #1] What to say in your profile and emails to get chicks to respond and date you.
[PROBLEM #2] Sites where REAL chicks are WAITING to talk to you.
I've spend months intensively testing profile text, sending women thousands of emails and going through hundreds of dating sites. This system has been tried and tested and known to produce excellent results.
Both steps in this system have free trials so you can try before you buy, so I highly recommend that you test this system first and see some results.
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This site is chocked-full of irresistible, real women who actually want to go on dates! This is not one of those fake dating sites where 90% of the profiles aren't real and just waste of time. I have tested hundreds of dating sites and this site has proven to out perform all others over and over.
Be careful, though. These sites will entice you to spend money, don't do it. Test the system first, then go all-out only when your completely sure the system works.
So if you want to effortlessly hook up with women then I strongly recommend you read everything I just wrote and do it before it's too late!
Reference: pickup-techniques.blogspot.com
Sarees is most popular fashion of Indian.Sarees show the culture and traditions of indian women.Sarees is most popular fashion of Indian.Sarees show the culture and traditions of indian women.Women likes to wear Sarees on Important functions Like wedding,Barat,Mehendi,Party and many other occesions.Now this time different top Showroom of Sarees and clothing brand of indian launched their new winter wear Party Sarees dresses Collection 2014-15 For Women.These dresses are most beautiful and attractive for this winter wear.
Women wants to wear latest trendy dresses accoring to the latest fashion now this time these dresses are fulfil the needs of girls and women.In desses dresses high quality fabric are used and styles also unique.These dresses are consist on Printing sarees,Silk Sarees,Embroidered Sarees,Heavy Work Sarees,Silk Lace Sarees.These dresse are best for Party wear,Formal wear,Party wear and wedding Wear.Very attractive and bright colour are used in these dresses.
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Origin: pickup-and-love.blogspot.com
Today we have the information to tell you about Dating Tips For Women In Their 20s. Dont miss if youre looking for information about "Dating Tips For Women In Their 20s". We have extra information about a particular DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN IN THEIR 20S to tell you. Opportunities like this are not common. We hope that the information we have this will benefit you a lot. Hopefully you will not miss this opportunity and free.... [Read more]
DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN IN THEIR 20S
Dating Advice For Men
Fortunately that is not the case. When women give compliance tests they really do want you to pass them. It is their way of filtering out a truly confident attractive guy from the rest. It may sound strange but beautiful women honestly cant just look at a guy an say "hes good looking therefore hes attractive." They need much more because they are approached by so many different types of guys. A really attractive girl will get hit on 10-15 times A DAY....
Origin: pickup-girls-advices.blogspot.com
Pleasure of reuniting - how to get your ex back - relationship advice - break up advice
click here for more images
warning just about anything you re thinking of doing to get your ex back is probably all wrong and will ruin your chance forever
"we need to talk" thump...out of nowhere those four little words brought dan's world tumbling down and his heart started to race with sheer panic. He had a feeling something was wrong but not this.
and before dan could get a word in cindy started in with "i need space right now, it's not you it's me. I just want some time apart from you". Dan could hardly believe what was happening...cindy started to explain how unappreciated she felt and how it's not my fault i don't love you anymore.
but wait...but wait i can change stammered dan as cindy bolted out the door with her purse, keys and cell phone in hand. It was over...and the final straw for cindy when dan came in with friends to watch the final football game of the season and ignored her for the last time.
dan begged and pleaded with cindy desperately sending dozens of text messages to give him another chance but it was useless and drove her away for good...dan had no idea how to start over and have cindy back in his arms.
like the end of so many relationships this was the end of dan and cindy... what if it did not have to end this way? what if you could get your ex lover back even for the worst mistakes?...start over from scratch?...get back their love and trust?...recapture their hea...read more detail
CHECK OTHER VIDEO
Reference: art-of-kisses.blogspot.com
This is what i said while walking with her, 'Holding hands':
Me: Why are you like this ?
Her: Like what ? (Makes that face, as if she didn't know what was going on)
Me: You know exactly what i mean ? (Smiling at her and pointed to her that we were holding hands)
Me: How long am i going to pretend that nothing is going on. Whatever you are doing, to me seems pretty childish (Smiling). You are not only wasting my time, your own as well. I just want you to be honest, FRIENDS don't act the way you do around me. FRIENDS don't hold hands, follow one another around, give almost all of their attention to a person. You say sometimes i am acting mean and rude towards you, this is exactly why because i am not sure of your intentions, i am not sure what is going on in your head. Even on my birthday, you were looking out for me, i tried to do my best to avoid you, so i went to get a drink and it doesn't take you more than a minute and you go out looking for me. Then i got into an arguement and was kicked out from a bar, you left, ignoring all the others even your best friend and came with me to another bar alone. You let me touch you, hold your hand, grab you, play with your hair and when i try to talk to another girl, your all like, why don't you talk to her, she is pretty. I'd like to take you out, because i really like hanging out with you and i want you to get to know me.
Me: You say you know almost everything about me. I don't think so.
Me: Did you know my parents were Headbangers !
Her: Smiling and laughing a bit.
Me: I just don't know what your intentions are and honestly speaking i'd like to take you out because i feel there is something to this. I just don't want you to be sitting somewhere years later and thinking about this day and saying to yourself, God Damit, He asked me out and i should have said YES ! But then its going to be too late. (Smiling at her). I just want you to be honest for once and i know you went through a lot with your EX but i hope you won't judge me the same way.
Her: I don't know what to say. I really like you as a FRIEND.
Me: Then there is nothing to worry about because i would love to be your friend.
Of course i can't be friends the way i was with her now. I like her a lot and of all the things she did, it pointed clearly that she liked me. But why would she say this ? Is she unsure ? Even i am a friend and have the same group of friends, i would be seeing her again, what if she continues to do the same things ?... Should i give her some time ?
Credit: quick-pickup-rules.blogspot.com
Espa~nol: Esta infograf'ia contiene informaci'on general sobre CRM. English: This infography has general info about CRM. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Customer Relationship Management: CRM Strategic Roadmap.
Meirc Training Course in DubaiProgram Objectives:
By the end of the program, participants will be able to:
* Articulate why Customer Relationship Management (CRM) is essential for attracting, retaining and growing loyal customers.
* Determine the uses and objectives of a CRM system.
* Recognize best practices in implementing a CRM strategy.
* Apply CRM for improving marketing, sales, customer service, and customer contact.
* Use Social CRM to drive collaboration among salespeople to increase their effectiveness.
* Appreciate different approaches to CRM that are best suited to their organizations' culture.
This program is designed for:
Relationship managers, marketing managers, sales and customer care managers and supervisors, and senior sales and customer service staff.
This program is worth 25 NASBA CPEs.
DEFINITIONS OF CRM
* Defining CRM and its Importance to Companies
* Customer Loyalty and Optimizing Customer Experience
* The Life Time Value of a Customer
* CRM Mistakes and Blind Spots
* The Difficulties of CRM
CRM IN MARKETING
* Relationship and One-to-One Marketing
* Cross Selling and Up-Selling
* Customer Retention and Profitability
* Customer and Business Value
* Customer Relationship Management Training for Marketers
* Sample of Software Applications in the Market
CRM AND CUSTOMER SERVICE
* Call Center and Customer Care
* Customer Satisfaction Measurement
* Customer Service Checklist for Success
* Customer Service Training
* Tools and Applications for Customer Service
SALES FORCE AUTOMATION
* Activity, Contact and Lead Management
* Knowledge Management
* Business Training for Sales Force
* Exposure to Applications for Sales Force Automation
PLANNING CRM PROGRAMS
* Developing a CRM Strategy
* CRM Business Plan
* Cost Justifying CRM
* Choosing CRM Tools and Suppliers
* Customer Relationship Management Software
MANAGING A CRM PROJECT
* Implementation Checklist
* CRM Roadblocks and Saboteurs
* Looking toward the Future
* CRM Training Program and Customer Loyalty
* The New Rules of Marketing and PR
* From Social Media to Social CRM
Related Articles
* Open-source customer relationship management service SugarCRM raises 33M (venturebeat.com)
* CRM Strategist Brent Leary on Social Media and Customer Relationship Management (VIDEO) (bizblog.blackberry.com)
* Customer Relationship Management (CRM) Software (chaindrive.com)
* Customer management firm SugarCRM raises 33M (vator.tv)
* April Edition of the Oracle E-Business CRM Support Newsletter Available (oracleidentity.wordpress.com)
* NEA Leads 33M Round In CRM Developer And Salesforce Competitor SugarCRM (techcrunch.com)
* SierraCRM Releases Process Manager Pro for SugarCRM (prweb.com)
* The CRM Connection and SugarCRM Announce Partnership (prweb.com)
* Tips For Picking A CRM System (foodstaycation.com)
* Small business insurance holders 'should implement CRM systems' (premierlinedirect.co.uk)
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KETIKA JODOH YANG KITA NANTIKAN TIDAK JUGA KUNJUNG TIBA, APAKAH KITA HARUS PASRAH DAN BERDIAM DIRI SAJA...? TENTU TIDAK BUKAN...?
Ketika jodoh tidak kunjung tiba, kita pun harus percaya diri, optimis dan lebih membuka diri, serta percaya kalau jodoh akan datang pada saat yang tepat dan tentunya harus dibarengi pula dengan usaha dalam mencari jodoh dan berdoa.
Bicara tentang jodoh, ada orang yang begitu mudah mendapatkan jodoh ketika berusia masih sangat belia, saat duduk di bangku SMU atau pun saat kuliah, sementara itu ada pula orang yang telah mencoba berbagai usaha, namun sang jodoh pun tidak kunjung tiba.
Seringkali kita mendengar cerita pasangan yang sudah cukup lama pacaran, tiba-tiba mereka putus, entah karena ada perbedaan prinsip ataupun hal yang lainnya, sudah tidak ada kecocokan satu sama lain, biasanya mereka dengan getir akan mengatakan "Mungkin dia bukan jodoh saya" atau "Sudah tidak ada lagi rasa cinta" dan ada pula orang yang berkenalan dalam jangka waktu singkat, kemudian melangsungkan pernikahan, dan mengatakan "Dia adalah jodohku, inilah orang yang selama ini kucari-cari".
LAW OF ATTRACTION & RAHASIA MAGNET CINTA
"Anda adalah makhluk elektromagnetik yang memancarkan frekuensi. Hanya hal-hal yang berada dalam frekuensi yang sama dengan frekuensi yang Anda pancarkanlah yang bisa datang ke pengalaman Anda. Setiap orang, peristiwa, dan situasi di dalam hari Anda memberitahukan di frekuensi mana Anda berada."(Rhonda Byrne - The Secret)
Untuk mendapatkan pasangan hidup yang tepat sesuai dengan apa yang kita inginkan, hal penting yang kita harus ketahui adalah memahami prinsip law of attraction, karena Law of attraction (singkat : LOA) adalah kunci untuk mendapatkan apapun yang kita inginkan didalam hidup apakah itu pekerjaan yang tepat, bisnis yang tepat, kekayaan, kesehatan, dsb, termasuk mendapatkan pasangan hidup yang kita inginkan.
Law Of Attraction (Hukum tarik menarik) adalah hukum alam, sama halnya seperti hukum gravitasi ataupun hukum aksi dan reaksi atau sebab akibat, Prinsip Law Of attraction adalah kita akan menarik apapun kedalam kehidupan kita, apa yang paling kita fokuskan didalam pikiran kita, baik itu hal yang positif ataupun negatif. Jadi jika anda sering mengalami musibah, anda selalu kesulitan keuangan, hidup terasa sulit, atau justru kebalikannya anda anda selalu mendapatkan keberuntungan, jauh dari masalah, dan hidup dengan penuh kebahagiaan. Itu adalah akibat anda menerapkan LOA didalam hidup anda baik secara sadar atau tidak sadar.
Fenomena LOA yang juga sehari-hari sering terjadi didalam kehidapan kita adalah, pada saat kita memikirkan seseorang entah itu teman kita orang yang sudah lama kita tidak kita temui, atau kita sedang memikirkan pasangan kita lalu tiba-tiba saja orang yang kita sedang pikirkan tersebut ternyata mengirimkan sms atau menelpon kita. Atau kita sedang berfikir tentang makanan yang baru saja kita lihat di iklan atau kita lihat dijalan sewaktu pulang kerumah, lalu tiba-tiba makanan yang kita inginkan sudah tersedia dirumah atau ada orang yang membelikannya untuk kita. Dan masih banyak lagi kejadian LOA lainnya yang mungkin pernah kita alami, yang mana biasanya kita sebut kejadian-kejadian ini dengan peristiwa kebetulan, takdir, keberuntungan atau seperti sudah diatur semestinya terjadi seperti ini.
Jadi tidak ada sebenarnya sesuatu yang kebetulan yang terjadi didalam hidup, semuanya terjadi karena anda menginginkan sesuatu hanya saja anda tidak sadar akan hal itu. Bahkan ketika anda sedang membaca tulisan saya ini, ini bukanlah hal yang kebetulan, entah karena refrensi atau anda sedang iseng browsing di internet atau memang anda sedang mencari artikel tentang masalah pasangan hidup, akhirnya anda masuk ke website saya lalu membaca tulisan-tulisan saya karena ada sesuatu yang menarik dari tulisan-tulisan saya. Ini adalah LOA, anda sesungguhnya sedang mencari jawaban dari pertanyaan-pertanyaan hidup anda, sehingga anda akhirnya bisa mampir disini. Dan mendapatkan pasangan hidup yang tepat yang kita inginkan juga bukanlah hal yang kebetulan, anda bisa mendapatkannya jika anda memahami prinsip LOA ini, karena keyakinan saya kenapa anda belum bisa mendapatkan jodoh yang tepat bukan karena Tuhan belum mengirimkan jodoh untuk anda, jodoh anda sudah anda, tapi anda tidak tahu bagaimana cara menjemputnya. Kenapa anda tidak tahu bagaimana cara menjemputnya karena tidak ada orang yang mengajari anda atau memberitahu anda bagaimana cara menjemputnya.
Lalu bagaimana proses untuk mendapatkan pasangan hidup dengan menggunakan prinsip LOA ? yang harus anda lakukan adalah bertanya kepada diri anda pasangan hidup seperti apa yang anda inginkan, anda harus clear (jelas) dahulu dengan apa yang anda inginkan, setelah anda sudah tahu dengan jelas pasangan seperti apa yang anda inginkan, berfokuslah pada apa yang anda inginkan, karena dengan berfokus pada apa yang anda inginkan cepat atau lambat maka anda akan dipertemukan dengan pasangan anda, anda tidak perlu tahu bagaimana anda akan bertemu dengan pasangan anda, karena anda akan ditunjukan jalannya.
Untuk anda yang saat ini masih kesulitan menemukan pasangan hidup yang tepat dan menganggap bahwa mendapatkan pasangan hidup yang tepat adalah hal yang penting untuk anda, silahkan ikuti EVENT AKTIVASI MAGNET CINTA atau konsultasi secara langsung dan mendapatkan personal coaching dari saya, hubungi 081231649477.
RAHASIA MAGNET CINTA
RAHASIA PERTAMA :
Jadikan dirimu penuh Cinta dan Penuh Rasa Welas Asih....
"Barang siapa yang menyayangi yang di bumi, ia akan disayangi oleh yang di langit." (Muhammad SAW)
RAHASIA KEDUA :
Jadikan dirimu penuh DAYA KUASA & PENUH PERCAYA DIRI...
Jadikan dirimu sebagai Subyek dan bukan Obyek....
RESIKO PUNYA MAGNET CINTA :
Dialog dengan sahabat FB :
Zainudin ItOe PresMast : pak Edi Sugianto.potone karo wong ayu terus yo...... resiko dadi wong gantheng cen koyo ngono kok...
Saya Jawab : Itu resiko mengajarkan Ilmu Telepathy (Ilmu Pelet Modern)...kok.... hehehehehehehe........
MAGNET CINTA & PLAY BOY/PLAY GIRL
Mempunyai kekuatan Magnet Cinta tidaklah menjadikan kita menjadi Playboy atau playgirl.
Seseorang yg aktif Medan Energi magnet cintanya memang akan memancarkan Frekwensi Cinta yg luar biasa kuatnya. Dan daya magnet cinta ini akan menurun kualitasnya bila medan energi dirinya dipenuhi oleh nafsu syahwat. Sehingga Medan Magnet Cintanya akan berubah menjadi Medan Magnet Nafsu yg bersifat mengutamakan serta mementingkan kepuasan serta pemuasan nafsu belaka....
Medan Magnet Cinta terbentuk oleh Getaran Frekwensi Unconditional Love. Cinta tanpa syarat. Mencintai dan mengasihi siapapun saja dan mau menerima mereka dg apa adanya. Serta bersifat welas asih, penuh kasih dan keperdulian kepada orang lain dan juga semesta...
Sebagai seorang manusia yg berada dalam naungan Cinta Ilahi MAHABBATULLAH. Maka menjadi Magnet Cinta adalah suatu keniscayaan....
Dalam rangka menyambut Hari Ulang Tahun Kelahiran dari Grand Master NAQS DNA, maka kami mengadakan Event Aktivasi Magnet Cinta untuk umum. Silahkan ikuti keterangannya berikut ini :
TRANSFER ENERGY GELOMBANG CINTA UNTUK MEMPERKUAT MEDAN MAGNET CINTA akan dimulai pukul 24.00 WIB malam ini (19 February 2013 s/d 28 February 2013).
Durasi Meditasi : +/- Selama 15 menit.
Meditasi Magnet Cinta yang dilakukan jam 24.00 WIB hanya dilakukan untuk Meditasi Perdana (Meditasi yang pertama kali dalam rangka Aktivasi/penyelarasan), sedangkan untuk meditasi rutin selanjutnya bisa dilakukan bebas, dimana saja dan kapanpun saja... Semakin sering, hasilnya akan semakin baik dan cepat terlihat hasilnya...
Tata Caranya, Klik : http://www.naqsdna.com/2013/01/meditasi-gelombang-cinta-sembuhkan.html
MANFAAT :
1. Membuka serta meningkatkan Aura Pesona...
2. Membersihkan Energy Block & Mental Block. Yang menghambat kemajuan diri & Karir.
3. Menjadi lebih disukai oleh banyak orang.
4. Menjadi percaya diri.
5. Memudahkan dalam menarik Jodoh.
6. Memudahkan dalam menarik Rejeki.
7. Memudahkan dalam memperoleh kepercayaan dari orang lain.
8. Untuk Penyembuhan penyakit Fisik & Emosional.
9. Mengharmoniskan dan merukunkan hubungan dalam rumah tangga & Keluarga.
10. Meraih Kedamaian, ketenangan, serta kebahagiaan Hidup.
PRAKTEK 1 : MEDITASI GELOMBANG CINTA.
KLIK : http://www.naqsdna.com/2013/01/meditasi-gelombang-cinta-sembuhkan.html
TESTIMONI :
Ini adalah inbox dari seorang sahabat, yg baru saja saya baca :
assalamu'alaikum Pak Dhe Edi...
Mau sedikit bercerita ni...
Tentang Keajaiban Meditasi Gelombang Cinta...
Ini kisahnya :
Assalamu'alaikum,
Langsung saja ya pak?
Beberapa hari kemarin sya merasakan, ada teman sekontrakan yg tidak suka dg sya entah alasannya apa, lha sya merasa tidak pernah jahat dgnya, itu terlihat dr tingkah laku dan sindiran2nya, sya berpikir hajar atau diam (saking nylekit sindirannya hmmf) tp sya coba diam bersabar.
Dari artikel pak guru Edi Tentang Meditasi Gelombang Cinta sya mencoba mempelajarinya...
Tiga sampai empat kali sya melakukan dg niat melepas ikatan perasaan negatif antara sya dg teman sya itu, dan juga sebaliknya. Lambat laun dan makin terasa teman sya mulai terbuka. Yg tdnya diam2 sekarang sering mengajak bicara, ngobrol, bahkan bercanda.
Alhamdulillah...
I am sorry
Forgive me
I love you
Thank you
Sangat Bermanfaat Pelajarannya pak guru...
Terima Kasih BanyakSelengkapnya, kunjungi website kami : http://www.naqsdna.com dan silahkan DOWNLOAD APLIKASI WEBSITE NAQS DNA UNTUK ANDROID, KLIK : http://www.appsgeyser.com/569195
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So I am interested in Psychology because I am sure that our soul hides a lot of things that can describe our character and that is really interesting to enter that in order to discover all the beauty of people's soul. I believe that person's hobbies can tell a lot about us. I am interested in living an active life with lots of pleasant spontaneous things, so that is why I am trying to stay active and I am fond of different kinds of sport. In my opinion a sincere smile can turn even a gloomy day into a sunny one and that is why I like to start my every day from a very kind and sincere smile. I am dreaming to find my true love, because I believe in real love and in a happy marriage. I know that one day will bring me a chance to start amazing relationships and I know that day real love will ask me for giving that a permission to settle down in my heart and I know that I will give that all my heart. I still believe in creation a fantastic family.
Source: gamma-male.blogspot.com
We talk a lot, and those conversations, if we use assertive communication skills, can make a big difference in how our relationships go. If I have anything to add to the assertive communication skills dialogue, it is an awareness of how rapidly we change internally based on our perception of and interpretation of nonverbal communications.
Mihalyi Csikzsentmihalyi in his book Flow (1993) estimated that we process seven bits of sensory data in parallel, and that the shortest amount of time between sets of seven bits is 1/18th second. Remember, it takes 1/10th second to blink your eyes.
Michael Merzenich,Ph.D., one of the world's leading researchers on neuroplasticity, says that Senior drivers need to be prepared to process changes in driving conditions in 1/45th second.
Paul Ekman,Ph.D. says we respond to facial expressions in 1/25th second, and my stress response to a look of contempt from a boss, a mate, or a child, may happen faster than I can create words. I had better be on my assertive communication game plan if I am to sustain assertiveness.
Assertive communication skills begin in my head, with a thought or a commitment to use them.
My commitment revolves around "I" statements, awareness of my feelings, heart beat by heart beat relaxation, playfulness, reflective listening, and the offering of choice.
In my domestic violence groups, I really use the reflective listening and the relaxation skills.
Every person who comes to my group has a story to tell, which will be told using their current level of assertiveness training.
More than likely, their story will be told using aggressive or passive-aggressive communication skills.
In those early moments of building our relationship, reflective listening will be a key part of helping my court ordered student to settle in.
So I will begin my comments with the phrase, "Here is what I hear you saying." and repeat back to them a summary of the story.
In order to summarize the story, I need to listen closely, and I make an effort to repeat the client's story verbatim in my head,which keeps me from preparing my "very knowledgeable" retort.
My goal in using the reflective listening is to begin teaching by example what assertive communication skills are. I often ask clients how they feel when someone pays attention to them, and the usual reply is, "good".
In fact, when I use reflective listening skills, I can watch an agitated person calm down.
I may even begin to teach my clients at this point the HeartMath process, which always intrigues them, because I ask some provocative questions leading into it.
Then I may even hook them up, so they get a sense at this early part of the process that it is their thinking about the external world that brings on physical changes, and how fast that happens.
By the way HeartMath is a biofeedback tool that gives very accurate information to a client via a computer screen about the time between heart beats and how to make that time more consistent, which is called coherence, by breathing deeply and regularly, and managing thoughts. HeartMath is a feel good experience, and once learned, (took me six 1/2 hour practices), I can cue the physiology on demand by repeating a thought.
The heart has a very sophisticated nervous system, and sends a lot of data to the brain about emotions, much more than the brain sends to the heart. This brain in the heart is affiliative and cooperative, so cuing the HeartMath physiology has a huge impact on assertive communication skills.
I also like to teach the assertive communication skills that are part of the John Gottman,Ph.D., model called The Art and Science of Love, especially for my domesitic violence and anger management clients.
Gottman has studied couples for 30 years, and has teased out of his work the skills that the Masters of Marriage use.
Those skills apply to assertive communication skills. After discovering your partner's Love Map, you begin to Turn Towards Each Other During Everyday Events by honoring what Gottman calls invitations to turn toward.
Those invitations can be very subtly communicated, so one has to pay attention and make quick decisions about how to respond.
Most of Our Communication is Nonverbal
I teach quite a bit about how we respond nonverbally to facial expressions, based on the work of Paul Ekman,Ph.D. Ekman says that we can respond to a subtle expression of contempt with anger in 1/25th second which is about 2.5 times as fast as I can blink my eyes.
So assertive communication skills have got to come online fast, along with my HeartMath skills to give me a chance to respond to contempt assertively rather than aggressively or passive-aggressively.
In any communication, I will respond to facial expressions and body posture before the words that are spoken.
If the speaker is not congruent in verbal and nonverbal communication, the listener may create an stress response faster than they can create reflective listening words.
Daniel Goleman calls that an amygdala high jack, and it floods us with stress hormones, making assertive communication very hard, if not impossible.
The Gottman's address what they call 'flooding' in their work. They recommend for men that a minimum of 20 minutes be taken to calm down.
Next comes the use of 'repair phrases' that the Gottman's supply examples of.
So as you can see, assertive communication skills are dynamic and must be applicable to a huge number of situations and responses.
They can be learned, and relationships built using them, and relationships can be repaired when there are breakdowns in communications.
The basic assertiveness training skills are remaining committed in my head to using assertive communication skills, no matter the response they get, using reflective listening, maintaining my heart intelligence, and offering choice, if I am communication with a peer. If I am communicating i a hierarchical relationship, then I need to either listen to feedback, or offer it, and be prepared to accept consequences for delivering a command, or accepting one.
In all cases, awareness of my physiology gives me choices.
Michael S. Logan is a brain fitness expert, a counselor, a student of Chi Gong, and licensed one on one HeartMath provider. I enjoy the spiritual, the mythological, and psychological, and I am a late life father to Shane, 10, and Hannah Marie, 4, whose brains are so amazing. http://www.askmikethecounselor2.com
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Assertive Communication Skills
Hello Mates,
I am an Indian Hindu-Male, 34, was married 4.5 years ago, have a son 3 years old, who was born in USA, and I have following points:
oMy wife (also Hindu) left me for her job in India after our son was born in USA (after 7 months of his birth). She is a Class -1 officer with Maharashtra Govt. (salary: Rs 7.5 Lacks + 4 - 7 Lacks under the table) she is very greedy!
oIt looks like she married under her parent's pressure, but was never interested. She is too close to her girl-friends. In USA you can't intimately touch anybody (in lieu of sexual harassment charges), but she will go an extra mile to hug all the girls when taking pictures (everytime). Even American White girls (my office mates) will feel little embarrassed. That is beyond friendliness!
oWe have been separated for last 2.5 years.
oShe is very very selfish, as she took all the gold and diamond jeweler with her when she returned to India and is not returning it back to me.
oShe compares me with Indian Waiters and Clearks all the time ( I have her email with proof), just to annoy me.
oWhen she was studying at IIT- N. Delhi, she was dating a guy and even after marriage they still meet and roam around holding hands. Apparently she calls him "Bahya/Big-Brother".
oShe recently bought MHADA flat in Powai, 1.5 years ago, but in recent past, when they increased their flat prices by 15 lacks more (LINK: http://www.indianexpress.com/news/buyers-miffed-as-mhada-hikes-price-of-powai-flats-by-43-/985889/), she is demanding that money from me, or else she says that she will file false 498-A charges against me and my widow mom (Ex-Army officers wife) and put us in jail. She is harassing us for 15 lacks now.
oI am currently unemployed after coming back to India, because of the economic slag/downturn.
QUESTION: I recently filed for Divorce 5 months ago, but with the current changes in laws which support only women's side, she is contesting it, in the court by saying that I have deserted her and "She wants to live with me happily". But the truth is that she wants to drain me financially before she wants to run away with her Ex-Boyfriend. The reason why I cant live with her anymore is because under her constant bikering/harassment, I feel like committing suicide. WHAT OPTIONS DO I HAVE?
Please help me! I don't want to die under pressure! Oh God please help me!
Rahul.
CHAPTER 19 LIFESTYLE MODIFICATION AND BEHAVIORAL COACHING:
* Figure 19.1 Stages of Change Model
* Know the stages of Change
* Be familiar with the initial session
* Effective Communication skills
* Goal setting- SMART Goals
* Cognitive Strategies
* Positive Self talk
* Exercise Imagery
STATES OF CHANGE
STAGE 1: PRECONTEMPLATION
* No intention of changing. Do not exercise and do not intend to start within 6 months. Education is best strategy with precontemplators.
STAGE 2: CONTEMPLATION
* Thinking about becoming more active in next 6 months. Listen to what contemplators need and support them any way that they can. Contemplators still need information.
STAGE 3: PREPARATION
* Exercise occasionally but are planning to begin exercising regularly next month. May have unrealistic expectations for the change they hope to achieve, oftentimes leads to high risk of disappointment and early dropout.
* Help clients clarify realistic goals and expectations, help clients maintain their beliefs in the importance of exercise, discuss programs that work best for different clients, consider clients' schedules, ask about previous successful experiences with exercise, avoid exercise that could lead to discomfort or injury, discuss building social support network.
STAGE 4: ACTION
* Started exercise, but not yet maintained behavior for 6 months. Continue to provide them with education. Work with their clients to develop steps for overcoming any barriers or disruptions.
STAGE 5: MAINTENANCE
* Maintained change for 6 months or more. Still tempted to return to old habits.
THE INITIAL SESSION
* 20 seconds to make a good first impression. Body language. Initial session building relationship.
* Discuss health concerns.
* Clarify fitness goals. Verbalize goals. Set SMART goals, specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.
* Reviewing previous exercise experiences
* Finalizing program design. Have good sense of health concerns, fitness goals, and past positive and negative experiences.
* Help clients anticipate the process.
IMPORTANCE OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS
* Difference between success and failure in relationship between trainer and his or her client.
* Nonverbal and verbal communication - posture, body language, verbal must be clear to be understood correctly.
* Active listening - genuine interest in client's perspective and getting to know them. Pay attention, avoid distractions, look the speaker in the eye.
* Asking questions - ask open not close ended questions.
* Reflecting - Express the purported meaning of what you just heard. Make sure client is accurately understood.
* Summarizing - Draws all important points of conversation together and again allow clients to clarify either what they have said or how someone has interpreted what they have said.
* Affirmations show appreciation for clients and their strengths. Listen carefully to know what to affirm. Validate positive comments about their thoughts, plans, skills.
* Asking permission - ask permission to share information.
SMART GOALS
* Specific - clearly defined in such a way anyone could understand what the intended outcome is. Detailed description of what is to be accomplished.
* Measureable - Quantifiable. Establish a way to access the progress toward each goal. If goal cannot be measured a client cannot manage it.
* Attainable - Right mix of goals that are challenging, but not extreme.
* Realistic - Repesent objective toward which an individual is both willing and able to work.
* Timely - Always have a specific date of completion. Realistic but not too distant in the future.
COGNITIVE STRATEGIES
* Positive self-talk - Help clients become aware of their negative thought process. Help clients come up with list of positive thoughts they might use with regard to exercise. Train clients to notice negative thoughts, stop negative thoughts, and translate those into something positive.
* EXERCISE IMAGERY - PROCESS CREATED TO PRODUCE INTERNALIZED EXPERIENCES TO SUPPORT OR ENHANCE EXERCISE PARTICIPATION. Clients can imagine themselves approaching their activity with greater confidence. Visualize performing with greater relaxation and muscle control. Rehearse positive outcomes.
The post NASM Study Guide Chapter 19 - Lifestyle Modification and Behavioral Coaching appeared first on The Healthy Gamer.
Credit: quick-pickup-rules.blogspot.com
MUST READ: Some women keep writing about wanting to hear the words "I love you" more often. Others write complaining they hear it too much! Just how much is enough?
There are times when women's emotionally-driven drama and antics really get on our nerves as men. There are also some things that appear to be dramatic because they are so irrational, but are in fact not dramatic at all, and things that you need to be aware of and address when necessary. This is some of the most important information ever presented in this newsletter, contains advice for both men and women, and if you miss part of it you can absolutely wreck your relationship with what you skipped over, so read this carefully and in its entirety and make sure you understand it. First, meet Tasha:
Hi David,
Can you tell me how to get my husband to stop being a needy little twerp? Every time his mouth opens, he says, "I love you." It's like a compulsion. He can't end a discussion, enter or leave a room, or hang up the phone without saying it. It's more like a greeting than a declaration of any kind of feeling. He's coming across to me as saying it just to get me to say it back to him. It's been happening for a month now, constantly since we went to my high school reunion (20 years) and I saw my high school boyfriend there (and his wife and pictures of their five children) and we talked for about 20 minutes and had a dance. He's making me nuts!
Please help,
Tasha
Tasha's problem was handled privately by a coaching session with her husband, in which I helped him realize that a 20-minute conversation to catch up on 20 years of absence and a dance, which didn't even turn out to be a slow, intimate dance, was nothing to worry about, but do you see her primary complaint? Too many "I love you's" equated to habit and insecurity, not an expression of love. Now for the other side of the coin, meet Carol:
Dear David,
I have read every newsletter you have ever written, and I have read your book as well and loved it. I had to learn to do many of the things in your book since I was taught a totally different way to handle relationships. I am sorry to say that I was one of these women that would let a man into her life and then totally turn it over to him to run because I wanted to be led. I learned that I was not letting them lead me, but was letting them run over me. Now I see just how wrong and how dangerous it was to me and to my future to let men run my life.
The reason I am writing this letter is because I want to know something and I felt like you would be the one to help me answer this one.
I know that my boyfriend loves and wants to be with me and that I am the only one in his life, but I still like to hear it from time to time. I know that sounds like I may be needy or insecure, but I'm sure you know all women like to know that both parties in the relationship they are in have the same feelings. I am sorry if that is wrong but that is how I feel.
Thank you for your time,
Carol
My reply:
Hi Carol, and thanks for writing. I'm going to point out something to you here, something that I know you've read in past editions but may have missed the significance of, and then I'm going to clue you and everyone else in on why this is the way that it is and how men should handle it.
First, I want to caution you and all women, for reasons you will fully understand in a moment, that while the words "I love you" are good for an emotional rush, they should never be trusted in and of themselves, period. Your knowledge of whether a man or any other person loves you should come from their actions; a man, especially a psychopathic predator, could put a bullet or a cudgel right between your eyes or open your throat from ear to ear while saying "I love you," but no man can keep up the act that creates the illusion of love for very long at all if it is indeed just an act. It doesn't take a lot of testing and there's no need for suspicion; simply check that his normal actions say that he loves you before accepting the words. For instance...
Does he beat the hell out of you and then say, "I'm sorry, Sweetheart! I really love you!" If he does, he's a lying sack of crap.
Does he drink up his paycheck, and when he tells you there's no money for groceries that week, say, "but I love you and everything will be okay"? No, he doesn't. He loves his bottle, not himself or you.
Does he work at his job, come home, and spend quality time with you (and the kids if you have them)? Does he make decisions that consider how they will affect you as a couple? Does he treat you with respect, as if he values your company and your input, instead of putting you down or even worse, whining about how he can't live without you? If so, listen when this guy says he loves you, even if he says it only silently through his actions, because he does. His actions prove it.
Take care, and keep in touch,
David
Now to the hard part: Why is it that even the most secure women, those who live in a relationship in which it is blatantly self-evident from a man's actions that he loves her deeply, constantly complain that they don't hear "I love you" enough?
Guys, I have to admit that this evaded me for a long time, and it wasn't until I learned how women communicate and about their socially-oriented nature that it made sense to me, and most of them are unaware of it as well, at least until it's pointed out to them. You should have seen their faces when I asked them about it; it was like a light coming on when it struck home for them. Ready?
Women need to hear this because they are biologically-driven to need to hear it, just like they need to hear a verbal commitment to a relationship after a couple of months of dating or they walk out on a perfectly good thing. It's part of the emotionally-driving biological mechanism that distinguishes their behavior, especially their socially-oriented nature and their communications methods and infrastructure, from ours.
They need to hear the words when they already know we love them because they are born communicators and also because they need that little romantic/dramatic lift that it creates when it "seals the deal." They also need to see that we can say it frequently enough without blurting it out every few minutes like some needy wuss who spouts it like a litany to hypnotize her into staying around. It's like their need to share and emotionally milk their problems with their girlfriends; irrational, involuntary, and potentially self-destructive, but nonetheless a fact of life and a need that must be fulfilled, one way or another, by somebody.
Now, how much is enough? Or too much?
That depends on the woman, but generally speaking, no woman I've interviewed, when asked how she felt about the frequency with which her man said he loved her, who was satisfied said any more than once or twice a day (once every day or two was average), and for those who were dissatisfied, their men were at the extremes, either pestering or boring them to death with it nearly every time they spoke or going many days or even weeks without saying it at all. And hearing it without some context that tells that he was really feeling it at the moment was often mentioned as bad, too.
Take heed here: You can say it too often, as well as not enough. Women bore easily, and with most things, less is more, but there has to be some, because none is unacceptable. If you have a healthy love relationship, there should be some intimate moment come along every day or two, or even twice a day sometimes, that makes you realize how much you love this woman. When that happens, that's when it's good to tell her, because during those intimate moments is when she'd really like to hear it, and the situation and your body language will confirm that you're feeling it, giving you credibility. It helps feed the emotions that she's feeling, and if it's honest, it's right. No act, no routine, no pressure - simply letting it come out when it's genuinely on your mind is likely to be just right.
Do NOT, under any circumstances, let "I love you" become a habit. We all hear so many people closing telephone conversations with it, as if it is some ritual greeting, and that's bad because it makes the experience so mundane and boring. If you're with somebody who has to hear it every time your mouth is open, that's a HUGE red flag, because it's not the emotion of love that she (or he) is feeling; it's that really ugly one: NEED, the kind that breeds and feeds dependence and insecurity, the leper's bell of a scarcity mentality at work and a high-maintenance dependent looking for someone to suck dry. And then you get to see the scarcity mentality's really evil twin, entitlement mentality, up close and personal as this person becomes more and more demanding.
If that's where you are, you're in big trouble, and you need to do a serious evaluation of your relationship. And if you're the one saying "I love you" too much as I've described because you want to hear it said back to you, you need to be doing something to develop some self-esteem, fast, or you are never going to find happiness, even briefly. There are several on our forum, http://forum.makingherhappy.com, who are going through this process, realizing that they do have value and have the right to recognize it, and watching their evolution is both educational and inspiring. You should join us and check it out.
Relationships are only complicated when you don't know enough about how they work, and/or about each other. Learning about them and each other doesn't have to be a matter of reading an encyclopedia of dry, technical, academically-oriented psychological theories and then trying to apply it without knowing whether the theories even hold water. I've seen those books - they almost destroyed my marriage before realizing that I was going to have to figure it out on my own -- and if you've been looking for answers for your relationship, you've likely seen them as well.
They didn't work for me, and indeed made things so much worse that I had to research and quite literally find enough answers to write my own book to have the improvement I needed. If those books worked for you, you wouldn't be looking here, either, would you?
There's a better answer, written in plain conversational English, that contains solid, tested explanations of how relationships really work, how women really think and speak, and what they really want, with examples and advice, and the best part is two-fold: you can afford it, and you can do what you find within it. Interested?
It's called "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," and you can download it at http://www.makingherhappy.com and be reading it in the next few minutes. Go head, do it now, because while all the achievers are reading this book, getting answers and putting them to work to better their life, the losers are sitting around questioning whether it will work for them and going further and further down that unhappiest of all roads, relationship boredom and crisis.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham
"Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
LUKE 10:40-42
40) But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!"
41) "Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things,
42) but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
(New International Version - NIV) Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
Seems like it has been ages since I picked up a book and read it just for pleasure. Somehow, like Martha, I gave up my passions for my duties. There's nothing wrong with duties, and I have not begrudged them - a fine Christian husband and beautiful, sweet kids are nothing to begrudge! But somewhere in the daily grind of household management, the once passionate reader and writer in me... and artist for that matter... disappeared on the dusty shelf of "someday I'll get to that". I never stopped collecting books... books that I longed to read. I never stopped discussing the ones I had loved before. But I never stopped to read anything new, either... for fear that the laundry may pile up if I did.
I don't think it is uncommon for women to loose a bit of their identity after they marry or have children. It is only natural for moms to put others before themselves. The baby's leaking diaper is much more pressing than a fiction novel you've been trying to finish for three months. But somehow, through the Lord's wisdom, I feel that keeping yourself true to the gifts He has given you - and feeding those God-given desires - are something just as important and useful as dish-washing. After all, your husband didn't marry you because you knew how to get Kool-Aid stains out of his white t-shirts. Your kids don't love you because you keep the toilet paper from running out (although this does help). Why would God give you a talent and passion for something if He didn't want you to use it for His glory?
I went to a great Christian lecture at a homeschool book fair recently given by Renee Ellison. Her topic was about "Turn Your Head Home Management Strategies". She gave a job description for Mother as being IMPOSSIBLE and INFINITE. I agreed wholeheartedly, yet wouldn't give the job up for the world! She told us, although most of us already knew this, that we needed to stay "close to our fuel" (the Lord). Her suggestion in doing this was to "snatch scripture". She admitted that we all are similar in having too much on our plates to stop and take enough time out each day for prayer, Bible study, and meditation. Let's face it, life is fast paced - especially if you are a homeschooling mom! Her idea of placing little Bibles (she even said she got some at a thrift store for this purpose) in every room where you might stop to take a pause (use your imagination here), for the purpose of "snatching" a verse or two was so unique. I had always thought if I didn't give God at least fifteen minutes, it wouldn't count.
I think you could use this same method with time out for yourself. Planning some morning reading time after the coffee is made and breakfast is eaten is not a bad idea. Spending Sunday night after church in bed with a good book isn't a bad idea either. Even stealing the moments back in the Wal-Mart parking-lot when you are waiting for your husband to get back in the car would be a nice start. I can stash a few good books in the car along with my Bible.
Surely I can find enough time for me somewhere in my hectic, wonderfully busy life.
So I'm going to pull down one of those dusty "someday I'll get to that" good books and read it this weekend. Then, when I make some more time for me, I'll review it for my blog! I thank Renee for her encouragement in that lecture she gave... she implored us to write down our "wisdom" as homeschooling mothers. Not sure if I would consider what I write as wisdom, but I'm sure glad I'm writing it down again!
Comfort is a two-faced bitch. It lures us away from the jagged rocks of pain to the soft shores of protection. It is a great time-saver and facilitator; it might even be fun for a while.
Comfort is also our undoing, robbing us of our potential. It's the difference between Bilbo Baggins staying in the Shire as a Hobbit, and fighting a dragon as THE Hobbit.
So, let's keep this in mind when I offer my thoughts on Grouper, a self-described "social club" offering a new spin on online dating -- although they never use the word "date," and you're hardly ever online. After using Grouper three times, I'll say this: it's one of the most comfortable ways of meeting women that a guy is going to find. Take that for what you will.
Here's a quick lowdown for the uninitiated: Grouper started here in San Francisco and New York and has since spread to other U.S. cities. A "Grouper" matches one guy with one girl, and although the company takes great pains not to call the event a date, you must each find two single friends of your gender to go. I suspect this formula will gain popularity with younger, techier crowds who don't want the anxiety of approaching attractive strangers.
It goes something like this:
All the prep work is done for you: there are no online profiles to sift through, no email exchanges and no planning where to go. These factors will be pros or cons depending on your viewpoint, but I mostly consider this an improvement over standard online dating, where scanning profiles and sending emails can be an eye-gougingly dull experience. Yes, at least you exercise choice with OK Cupid, but we've covered the downside of that.
The price includes a free first drink, making the cost of this endeavor far cheaper than traditional arranged group dates like Table for Six, or even your average first date. So that's a plus, too.
You will not know what your Grouper partners look like before you see them, nor will you have any information on them other than a generic-sounding promise that the girls are "super cute." I suppose that's more comforting than being promised that they have "great personalities," but the matching system, based on people's Facebook profiles, seems as sophisticated as throwing at a dart board.
I've been on three Groupers with the same two wingmen, and we each took turns being the guy who signed up. We have plenty in common, but not so much in common that we should get the same type of girls each time -- for example, one of us is a hard core Burning Man guy whereas I'm quite the opposite. But diversity was hard to come by.
Leaving physical attractiveness out of it for a minute, all nine of the girls we met were in their mid-20s, white and of mainstream tastes. Virtually all of them lived in or hung out often in the Marina, which is the Never Never Land for ex-frat boys and sorority girls. None of us are compatible with Marina girls beyond a drunken night of hooking up to songs by Keha.
Based on my Grouper outings, here's a quick cheat sheet for any guys considering your own:
GET FUN WINGMEN YOU CAN TRUST, AND HAVE A GAME PLAN: I had the first part of this down -- my wingmen are great friends -- but our first time out we didn't consider the logistics of having a six-way encounter where we're all sitting at a table. Unless you want polite chit-chat the whole night, you need to switch seats and isolate at some point. The girls came together and will have pressure to leave together, so your insta-date odds afterward are slim unless you're really hitting it off.
GIVE THE POINT MAN FIRST DIBS ON A GIRL: Even though my friends and I have different physical tastes, we agreed each time on who the best looking girl was. So to avoid any conflict or miscommunication, I advise giving first dibs to the guy who organized the event. My secret code for calling dibs was looking at the girl and saying, "How about those Giants?" Smooth, I know.
DON'T BE SHY ABOUT ESCALATING: I find it ironic that while Groupers seem marketed to shy people and uses a "no labels" mantra, you need to exercise some PUA skills to close the deal. Grouper doesn't give you the girls' contact info afterward, so you will need to get her number by the end of the encounter, probably in front of everyone.
Now for the recap of my three Groupers:
NO. 1: Thumbs up on the bar Grouper chose, and I liked being able to get Scotch as my free drink. As for the girls, it was a three-headed Marina monster. They could talk about sports, visiting Western Europe, and drinking, but that was about it. One of the girls was good looking enough that one of us probably should have gotten her number just for the hell of it, but we didn't regret it.
NO. 2: The best I can say about this one was that the girls were all nice (in fact, all nine of the girls we met were nice; social conventions sort of require it). However, none of them were remotely interesting to us, physically or otherwise, and the bar had a DJ blasting music so loud we could barely talk. After this one I had to talk one of my wingmen into doing a third Grouper, on his condition that I write this review. So I hope you're happy, buddy.
NO. 3: I was the point man for this one, so I was fortunate that one of the girls was cute. Yes, she lived in the Marina, but at least she was apologetic about it. I got her number but she didn't return my texts afterward (was it my Giants line?); still, even soft rejection felt like an improvement. The bar was solid, and we took an inspired Groupergram -- you're encouraged to take a creative Instagram photo of the six of you. It was my idea to have the five of us simulate surgery with knives on my shirtless wingman while the bar manager watched in horror.
Grand total for three outings: None of us is swearing off Grouper forever, but none of us would rely on it for dating. Combined, the three of us spent 60 and over six hours of our time. We had a whopping one phone number (that didn't lead anywhere) among the three of us. We had perfectly safe, pleasant conversations in safe settings with nine friendly girls who mostly did not attract us (the feeling may very well have been mutual).
But phone numbers are beside the point. This is more about the costs of comfort. There might be little to lose in talking to three pre-selected women, but for many guys I suspect there's also much less to gain. Personally, I would rather exercise my own judgment in meeting my kind of girls -- and the risk of immediate rejection is an asset, not a liability.
I'd still recommend Grouper to a guy who just wants to go out and meet lots of people and maybe hook up with a girl or two. But if you're looking for girlfriend material, I'd take the bumpier road.
Credit: dating-for-black-men.blogspot.com
My favorite motivational poem, which projects the true spirit of the unconquerable alpha male, who does takes both action and full responsibility for his actions, and how the confident attitude it projects will make you absolutely ooze attraction. AND! An announcement about the makingherhappy.com forum: It's been up for a year now, and for the foreseeable future, it's going to remain free.
Our forum has been open at http://forum.makingherhappy.com/ since March of last year, and we seem to have all the kinks out of it, have it secured from hackers, spammers, and pranksters, and have a LOT of great information on it, but we don't yet have the size of a user community I want to have before activating the subscription feature. So all access to all areas is still free to all registered members until I'm satisfied that it's big enough, which will probably be after we cross the thousand-member threshold. After that, you'll find the subscription prices lower than you could imagine for what you'll be receiving, for reasons also explained when you get there.
Registration is free and for your protection, and your privacy is both respected and guarded, as you will see when you reach the site, and you can read all you want as an anonymous guest, but as part of our system of protecting you from spammers and other ne'er-do-wells, everyone who wants to post must register, but as with e-mail addresses for the newsletter, no information is shared with anyone unless compelled by court order. Registration enables other benefits for you, like RSS feeds, post notifications in your favorite threads by e-mail and Facebook Connect, so don't be shy and miss out -- join us!
There's something there for everyone, including women and singles. That's right, singles. Women have been writing to me asking to meet men who have been through my program, and divorced men have been asking for help in easing back into the dating world, and it's there, waiting for you, along with live chat in both a chat room and person-to-person chat, personal blogging, Facebook-style profile pages, photo albums to share, and a lot more. I've posted a lot of articles related to dating and single life, including how to screen dates for the purpose of a happy long-term relationship or marriage, so if you haven't joined yet, now is the time.
I also have another special treat for you, my favorite motivational poem of all time. Many of you may have read it, but I've met few who ever gave it serious study and consideration. And that's a shame, when you see what it holds for you that could help a man, relationship and marriage.
Most people remember and even quote that last line or two, but few remember their origin and have never really studied the poem, trying to live the part of the main character, and exploring and adopting the attitude expressed. Read it carefully, once for understanding of what the character is saying, and then a second time to try to feel what they are feeling, and we'll discuss it and how it relates to your relationship and building attraction afterward.
Invictus
By W.E. Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods there be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud;
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody but unbowed.
Beyond this vale of doubt and fear
Looms but the terror of the Shade
And, yet, the passing of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the Master of my Fate,
I am the Captain of my Soul.
So let's dig into this, deeply, and see what Henley knew about being a man and how that might help you get your life and relationship or marriage back on track. To make sure you get the context, "Invictus" is "soliloquy," defined in "The American Heritage Dictionary" as "A dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character reveals his or her thoughts when alone or unaware of the presence of other characters." He's not trying to impress anyone; he's alone and thinking or speaking only to himself.
Speaking of gender, we don't know whether the character is a man or woman, but everyone assumes it is a man when they read it, because the feeling generated is that typical of an alpha male - independent, strong, railing against the storm so to speak. He is in complete darkness, according to the first paragraph, possibly in a prison or dungeon cell, or in an apartment or bedroom, utterly alone and celebrating his own sense of self and character. In the second stanza, he says that no matter what has happened to him, he's taken it and moved on.
He's been beaten up, but not beaten down, and certainly not beaten into submission. In the third stanza, rather reminiscent of Psalm 23 of the Christian Bible ("vale of doubt and fear" is identical allegory to "valley of the shadow of death, the terror of the Shade" being the angel of death or god of the underworld, as in the first stanza we see that Henley's character is religious, but not Christian, as his "gods" are unidentified and existence questioned - "whatever gods there be"), he says that life is uncertain, and the afterlife possibly more so, yet he has no concern for that.
He goes on in the fourth saying that it matters not how he is judged ("how straight the gate" is an allusion to several different versions of Heaven and Hell, and "the scroll" is the judgment of his life) because he lived his life making his own choices, and is perfectly prepared to accept the consequences of those choices. His world and his choices are simply, utterly, and relentlessly, his own.
Why? Is it ego? Conceit? Hardly. Ego and conceit are not signs of confidence, but of a lack ther, the leper's bell of someone lacking self-esteem and trying to fake it. This character has simply chosen to command his own life, to do with it the best he can, to accept all challenges to his life and well-being, and if he is to lose a battle, he will regroup, re-engage, and ultimately win the war.
What image does this paint for you? A sniveling, craven little wuss huddled in a corner of a dark room? I should say, "not just no, but hell no!" A man standing straight, tall, shoulders back, feet at shoulder width, head held high, ready for action; he may not own the world, but he certainly commands what part of it is around him. So blatantly heroic an image that it's not hard for a cape whipping in the breeze to enter the picture if you're not careful.
Why do I bother going through all of this about a poem? Wake up, gentlemen! This is the guy every woman wants her partner to be! At the very least, it is the image of him that she wants to hold, strong, confident, moving through the world with a purpose that is his own, in command (not CONTROL, mind you!) and in demand. Do you want to know one of the best-kept secrets in all of existence? Every one of us is born this way!
Really! Look at small children. They try to do things assuming that they will succeed. They don't jump off the back of the couch and land face-first on the floor because they're stupid; it's because they've not yet learned that there are things that are impossible. Unfortunately, as they grow older, they learn a lot more than the simple physics of gravity, inertia, and motion that would keep them from jumping off the couch and busting their face again.
It is failure that they (we!) learn, and which plagues us all for the rest of our lives if we let it. The operational phrase there is "if we let it." It's a choice. Failure of any kind is a choice, a choice to be defeated instead of a choice to learn all we can, give something our best effort, and if it doesn't work out, to acknowledge that it required more resources - whether time, money, energy, relationships, or whatever - than we were able to muster, and to make course corrections so that we continue the journey toward something desirable. No matter what the outcome of any endeavor, it is only a failure if we choose to declare it so, and choose to be a loser or victim instead of a contender and survivor. And as long as a man truly gives something his best effort, he cannot fail; the only failure is to fail to rationally address an issue and meet it with whatever he can reasonably muster.
Do you realize that humans are the only species on Earth with the power of volitional choice - the power to think and choose everything, instead of simply growing to the point of being able to survive and then having all development stop? Intellect allows us to reach a point of being able to survive, then surpass that point and flourish, improving our standard of living, and possibly that of others around us and in generations to come. We are the top of the food chain for that reason and none other. Contrary to popular belief, being human isn't something for which one should apologize (..."I can't help it. I'm only human..."), it's something to which one should aspire! (Be a REAL man! Or be a REAL Woman! I think, therefore I succeed!)
Those whom women find the most attractive are those who have aspired to be and finally became supremely human men, the alpha male - the strong, confident male, able to make logical decisions, formulate successful plans, and carry them out with all the confidence in the world that he can do just that, who looks not at his feet, but at the horizon, and onward to the next world he is to master. Be that man; it's your choice, and her dream. Make both of you happy. If you have to, print this poem and put it where you can read it while you shave every morning. (Yes, EVERY morning! Real men have more self-respect than to run around with two-day old stubble on their face and "bed hair" trying to look like a thug or a flake, no matter what might be "in style"!) Memorize it, and recite it several times throughout the day. Get it done.
It's time to take charge, and make the world your own. She'll notice. It's not an act. It's a matter of first learning how things work and what the best behavior is, then toning down your bad behavior while enhancing the good behavior, and then adding to the good behavior with other traits that you can enjoy having and she will enjoy seeing. There's a full explanation of all of this and an effective training seminar to help you put it all to work in a natural, stress-free manner, in "THE Man's Guide to Great Relationships and Marriage," so download it now at http://www.makingherhappy.com. Go ahead, do it now, and start living the "unconquered" life, because life is too short to live it otherwise.
In the meantime, live well, be well, and have a wonderful day!
David Cunningham "Being a man is something to which one should aspire, not something for which he should apologize." --David Cunningham
