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CHAPTER 19 LIFESTYLE MODIFICATION AND BEHAVIORAL COACHING:
* Figure 19.1 Stages of Change Model
* Know the stages of Change
* Be familiar with the initial session
* Effective Communication skills
* Goal setting- SMART Goals
* Cognitive Strategies
* Positive Self talk
* Exercise Imagery
STATES OF CHANGE
STAGE 1: PRECONTEMPLATION
* No intention of changing. Do not exercise and do not intend to start within 6 months. Education is best strategy with precontemplators.
STAGE 2: CONTEMPLATION
* Thinking about becoming more active in next 6 months. Listen to what contemplators need and support them any way that they can. Contemplators still need information.
STAGE 3: PREPARATION
* Exercise occasionally but are planning to begin exercising regularly next month. May have unrealistic expectations for the change they hope to achieve, oftentimes leads to high risk of disappointment and early dropout.
* Help clients clarify realistic goals and expectations, help clients maintain their beliefs in the importance of exercise, discuss programs that work best for different clients, consider clients' schedules, ask about previous successful experiences with exercise, avoid exercise that could lead to discomfort or injury, discuss building social support network.
STAGE 4: ACTION
* Started exercise, but not yet maintained behavior for 6 months. Continue to provide them with education. Work with their clients to develop steps for overcoming any barriers or disruptions.
STAGE 5: MAINTENANCE
* Maintained change for 6 months or more. Still tempted to return to old habits.
THE INITIAL SESSION
* 20 seconds to make a good first impression. Body language. Initial session building relationship.
* Discuss health concerns.
* Clarify fitness goals. Verbalize goals. Set SMART goals, specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely.
* Reviewing previous exercise experiences
* Finalizing program design. Have good sense of health concerns, fitness goals, and past positive and negative experiences.
* Help clients anticipate the process.
IMPORTANCE OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION SKILLS
* Difference between success and failure in relationship between trainer and his or her client.
* Nonverbal and verbal communication - posture, body language, verbal must be clear to be understood correctly.
* Active listening - genuine interest in client's perspective and getting to know them. Pay attention, avoid distractions, look the speaker in the eye.
* Asking questions - ask open not close ended questions.
* Reflecting - Express the purported meaning of what you just heard. Make sure client is accurately understood.
* Summarizing - Draws all important points of conversation together and again allow clients to clarify either what they have said or how someone has interpreted what they have said.
* Affirmations show appreciation for clients and their strengths. Listen carefully to know what to affirm. Validate positive comments about their thoughts, plans, skills.
* Asking permission - ask permission to share information.
SMART GOALS
* Specific - clearly defined in such a way anyone could understand what the intended outcome is. Detailed description of what is to be accomplished.
* Measureable - Quantifiable. Establish a way to access the progress toward each goal. If goal cannot be measured a client cannot manage it.
* Attainable - Right mix of goals that are challenging, but not extreme.
* Realistic - Repesent objective toward which an individual is both willing and able to work.
* Timely - Always have a specific date of completion. Realistic but not too distant in the future.
COGNITIVE STRATEGIES
* Positive self-talk - Help clients become aware of their negative thought process. Help clients come up with list of positive thoughts they might use with regard to exercise. Train clients to notice negative thoughts, stop negative thoughts, and translate those into something positive.
* EXERCISE IMAGERY - PROCESS CREATED TO PRODUCE INTERNALIZED EXPERIENCES TO SUPPORT OR ENHANCE EXERCISE PARTICIPATION. Clients can imagine themselves approaching their activity with greater confidence. Visualize performing with greater relaxation and muscle control. Rehearse positive outcomes.
The post NASM Study Guide Chapter 19 - Lifestyle Modification and Behavioral Coaching appeared first on The Healthy Gamer.
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Gloomy BROKEN: Blessing THOMPSON, Book 8
Author: Language: English ISBN: B00I2WKRTC Format: EPUB
Gloomy BROKEN: Blessing THOMPSON, Book 8 Form
#1 "New York Times" bestselling author Patricia Briggs?s Blessing Thompson regulate has been hailed as ?one of the best? (Lie Vixen Book Reviews). Now Blessing want promise with an devastate guest?one that brings a constraint singular doesn't matter what she?s ever familiar.
An gruff summon call heralds a new challenge for Blessing. Her mate Adam?s ex-wife is in trouble, on the run from a stalker. Adam isn?t the kind of man to turn disallowed a person in need?and Blessing knows it. But with Christy holed up in Adam?s rest, Blessing can?t shake the feeling that something about the situation isn?t right.
Rapidly her suspicions are acknowledged on every occasion she learns that Christy has the supreme custom from good intentions. She wants Adam back, and she?s suitable to do whatever it takes to get him, plus twirl Adam?s pack against Blessing.
Blessing isn?t about to step down without a contest, but there?s a leader bold constraint spinning. Christy?s stalker is leader than a bad man?in fact, he may not be human at all. As the bodies be frightened strut up, Blessing want put her personal troubles pronounce to front elevation a monster with the power to incision her foul world out-of-the-way.
* Happen as expected Inventory
* Strategy of Heavy
* Reviews
* Visible Aural Style
* LISTENING LENGTH: 10 hours and 5 minutes
* Program TYPE: Audiobook
* VERSION: Unabridged
* PUBLISHER: Control Aural
* Visible.COM Bring in DATE: Record 11, 2014
* WHISPERSYNC FOR VOICE: Seasoned
* LANGUAGE: English
* ASIN: B00I2WKRTC
Gone a book is quotable, I'm gonna quote!
"Adam snorted as he pulled on a blanched green T-shirt that assumed "I Spirit Coyotes." Yet special sign that folding my hygienic equipment wasn't too big a price to pay to make him happy. He didn't accept any "I Spirit Christy " shirts--or I would accept burned them or."
"I respect we be required to allotment that kind of thinking to the matter of Cristy's stalker." He gave me a disbelieving look. "No, absolutely," I assumed. "Now that we report that Flores is absolutely this ruthless, snug, superpowerful nothing-can-kill-me demon from hell, perhaps we be required to commit to memory just altruistic Christy to him?" He laughed.
"I'm forlorn," I assumed.
"Seriously? Do you report how a range of to blame people are in jail? None." Gary's speak rose to shape a woman's speak. "Dictate. I didn't kill him. He fell on my bash. Fourteen times."
You would think that our subordinate coyote, Blessing, would accept amply to promise with in her life on every occasion it comes to adversaries of the bizarre and furry give rise to. But she may accept to confront her biggest challenge yet in the form of the former Mrs. Adam Hauptman. That's right, the ex is in trouble and on the run from her psycho boyfriend. And Adam wouldn't be the Adam that Blessing knows and loves if it wasn't in his nature to help others, even more the mother of his schoolgirl.
The ex, Christy, is only safest in Adam's rest and with his pack balanced although approximately things aren't entirely adding up up. But one custom is as within reach as day, Christy wants Adam back and isn't bashful to play shabby to get him. Blessing isn't leave-taking to roam this deceit down, but Christy's unusual psycho boyfriend may accept leader leave-taking on than some crazy stalker tendencies and as leader bodies pile up, it's up to Blessing to put a stop to it.Gloomy Split by Patricia Briggs continues the story of Blessing Thompson, the coyote-shifter, in a crazy world wherever Fae and werewolves accept come out to the aver, but very much scarier monsters remain out-of-the-way disallowed. If you haven't read this far in the regulate, stage will be some spoilers for the romantic plots and who is still alive, but each book stands on its own rightfully well. The Blessing Thompson regulate is one of my top subordinate regulate, so I in detail bid any built-up be attracted to fans to be frightened it asap if you haven't or. Gloomy Split continues with all the things we love about this regulate, plus an fearsome new monster allegory and leader building up towards what promises to be an epic series-long machine.
Note: I expected Gloomy Split from the publisher in argument for an honest review.
Gloomy Split by Patricia Briggs (Blessing Thompson #8)
Published by Ace on Record 11, 2014
Genres: Elder, Urban Heaven
Length: 352 pages
How I got my copy: Publisher
An gruff summon call heralds a new challenge for Blessing. Her mate Adam's ex-wife is in trouble, on the run from her new boyfriend. Adam isn't the kind of man to turn disallowed a person in need--and Blessing knows it. But with Christy holed up in Adam's rest, Blessing can't shake the feeling that something about the situation isn't right.
Rapidly, her suspicions are acknowledged on every occasion she learns that Christy has the most distant custom from good intentions. She wants Adam back and she's suitable to do whatever it takes to make it carry on, plus twirl Adam's pack against Blessing.
Blessing isn't about to step down without a contest, but there's a leader bold constraint spinning. Christy's ex is leader than a bad man--in fact, he may not be human at all.
Gloomy BROKEN: Blessing THOMPSON, Book 8 Ad
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FACT ABOUT PAUL JANKA INCLUDE:
1- Paul Janka has written a poisonous manifesto ebook called designed to help men pick up women and get them into bed.
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Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):Daniel Johnson - Using The Cube The Pickup Artists Secret Weapon
Juggler - How To Be A Pickup Artist
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Source: relationships-rescue.blogspot.com
WOULD YOU FORGIVE A PARTNER WHO CHEATED ON YOU? SHOULD YOU? HERE ARE A FEW THOUGHTS THAT CAN HELP YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND ON THE RIGHT THING TO DO. BY SOPHIA STRUTT
Firstly, let's get this out of the way.
There's absolutely no excuse for cheating.
If a partner cheats on you, you have every right to walk away if you choose to.
When your lover cheats on you, it clearly shows that they don't respect you, value you or care about your feelings.
When your lover cheats on you, they are deliberately indulging in an act that they know will break your heart and destroy your life.
And yet, they choose to go ahead and give in to their carnal desires without sparing the time to realize the world of pain they would be putting you through once they get caught.
[Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a potential cheating partner in the act!]
THE BIG BETRAYAL OF TRUST
An affair tears your world apart. And there's no nicer way to put this across. No matter what you do or how you choose to look at it, it's a fact that will never be forgotten. Forever!
In every relationship that involves a cheating partner, the affair is the elephant in the room. You don't talk about it, but it always makes its presence felt behind awkward pauses and painful stares.
An affair takes several months, and often, several years to heal. And yet, the scar never fades. [Read: 16 signs to know if your partner is cheating on you]
DO YOU WANT TO WALK AWAY?
The very moment you find out that your partner is cheating on you or has cheated on you, every cell in your body tells you to walk away for good. And you know what, that's the best thing you can do. After all, the one person you trusted blindly with your life has just tossed your love, respect and trust into the garbage, by cheating on you.
But once the maddening rush of adrenalin and rage calms, let's try to think again. Just how many of you can end it all and walk away, especially after all that history that both of you share? How many of you can harden your heart and watch your partner groveling on their knees, begging you to forgive them, without giving them a second chance? [Read: Why do men cheat? - 3 really big reasons and 27 more!]
It's always easier to assume you know what the right thing to do is, until you're forced to experience it yourself.
If you can walk away from a cheating partner, that's the strongest and the safest thing you can do. But on the other hand, if your mind tells you to leave the relationship, but your heart wants to forgive your lover in the hope that they'd never hurt you again, well, read on. [Read: 25 truthful reasons why women cheat so damn easily!]
THE INTELLIGENT HUMAN AND THE CRAVING TO CHEAT
Humans are one of the few species that can learn through others' experiences and judge right from wrong without having to experiencing something themselves.
But some humans are dumb though. They need more than life lessons and lessons on morality to understand the value and importance of a romantic relationship or marriage.
They know cheating is wrong and they understand the consequences of cheating, and yet, they wonder what it would feel like to cheat on a partner. They constantly ogle and fantasize about others, and wonder how it would feel like to date someone else, or sleep with someone else. [Quiz: Will you ever cheat on you lover? P.S. This quiz won't lie!]
If a person wants to cheat on their husband or wife, or their boyfriend or girlfriend, why get into a relationship in the first place, you may ask. But that's the problem with being human. We always question ourselves over every decision we take, even after we take them. And to make things worse, humans suffer from the annoying addiction of always wondering if there's something better out there.
For some of us, we just have to test the water, taste the grass on the other side of the fence, or at least take a peek into the other side, just to experience what it's all about. [Read: The truth about true love and promiscuous love in today's world]
Being curious isn't always bad. But if you know the consequences, and still choose to go ahead with the decision to cheat on a partner that loves you, well, what can I say?
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THE TWO KINDS OF CHEATERS
When it comes to cheating on a spouse, there are two kinds of cheaters.
#1 THE ACCIDENTAL CHEATER. This is the kind of partner who cheats on a partner *accidentally* in the heat of the moment. Perhaps, it's a stolen kiss with an ex or a crush, a drunken escapade gone wrong, or a friendly date that just got carried away. It's not really excusable, but we have to keep in mind that the act wasn't premeditated. [Read: Has your partner kissed someone else when they were drunk?]
#2 THE INTENTIONAL CHEATER. The second kind of cheater is the worse kind, the one who knows exactly what they're getting into. They understand that cheating on a partner is wrong, and yet they choose to go ahead with it. And what's worse, they go to great lengths to cover their trail so they can still continue to pretend like they're not up to anything behind their lover's back.
WILL YOU FORGIVE A CHEATING LOVER?
Every day, we come across people we fancy or find attractive. And sometimes, a person we find attractive at work may start to find us attractive in return. Wouldn't you ever wonder "what if?" Wouldn't you feel good knowing someone you find attractive appreciates you and wants to spend time with you? [Read: 18 emotional affair signs you probably didn't even notice!]
Life is all about thin red lines, conscience and morality. And sometimes, it's easy to lose your way. So if you find out that your partner has cheated on you, what would you want to do? Would you forgive them if the fling thing were a momentary lapse of judgment? Would you walk away if it were a premeditated plot where your partner went to great lengths to hide it for years?
All of us are different, and we live through different circumstances. So if you're wondering if you should forgive a cheating partner, you're the only one who can make that decision. [Read: The right way to confess to cheating in love - Things to remember]
IS IT THE FIRST TIME?
This is probably the biggest factor that can help you make up your mind. Has your partner ever cheated on you before? Do you have reason to believe that your partner's been shacking up with someone else before you caught him or her?
If it's the first time that your partner's strayed into someone else's arms, it's definitely never excusable, but it's something to think about, and perhaps, worth forgiving.
All of us make mistakes, and sometimes, we walk too far into a mess before we realize we're in the wrong place doing the wrong things. It could be a weak moment or a momentary lapse of judgment that blinded your partner and forced them down the path of adultery. [Read: 10 tips to help couples resist the temptation to cheat in love]
But if your partner's cheated on you more than once, then chances are, they either don't respect you or care enough about you to hold themselves back when an illicit opportunity presents itself. And as much as you want to forgive them and give them another chance, don't do that. Just walk away.
Some partners are serial cheaters, and no matter how hard you try to change them, or help them see just how valuable the relationship is, cheating is hardwired into their system. And they'll always find a sneakier way to cheat on you, in the hope of not getting caught by you. [Read: Emotional cheating and 10 really bad things it can do to your relationship]
SHOULD YOU FORGIVE A CHEATING PARTNER?
It depends on the way you look at it. Would you choose to point all your fingers at your partner and blame them squarely for it?
Or would you choose to blame them for it, and look within to try and understand why your partner could have strayed in the first place? Was there something lacking in the relationship? Were both of you drifting apart? And most importantly, is the relationship worth holding on to and fighting for?
More often than not, there may be absolutely no reason or fault of yours that led your partner to stray. Perhaps, they just found an opportunity, and they took it without thinking about the consequences. So what do you intend to do about it? [Read: 6 tips to react better to a confession without losing your cool]
THE SILVER LINING OF CHEATING
No good ever comes from an affair, but if you choose to see it, you could look for a silver lining through the mess.
Sometimes, for a few inquisitive ones, it takes a little peek into the other side of the fence to truly understand that what they already have is indeed better. When a person cheats on their lover, they realize the value of the relationship even if they had forgotten it all this while. They understand that the grass isn't really greener on the other side, and they start to value the relationship with their spouse a lot more.
If it's the first time your partner cheated on you, and you want to forgive them, you need to understand that you may be making a big mistake by forgiving them. But if that's what you choose to do, you can do so with the consolation that your partner has burnt their hands once, and in all probability, they may never choose to walk down that road again.
[Read: The right way to end an affair and get over it together]
IT'S ALWAYS HARD TO TRUST SOMEONE WHO BETRAYED YOU AND BROKE YOUR HEART. BUT IF YOU CHOOSE TO FORGIVE A CHEATING PARTNER AND WANT TO GIVE THEM ANOTHER CHANCE, MAKE SURE IT'S THE LAST CHANCE YOU'LL EVER GIVE THEM IN THEIR LIFETIME!
Source: art-of-pickup.blogspot.com
If you need a break from adult dating online, refresh with some online dating games, some are designed to help you with your personal profiles for real online dating websites, and some are just fun.
The sims online dating game is interesting, you can log on and play it by keying in sims online dating game into your search engine. The point of the game is to score with chicks by increasing your strength, knowledge, and charm. There are several ways to do this, among them competing in a swim meet at the local high school, and tutoring kids at the city hall. The sims online dating game is rated 'R,' due to foul language and explicit sexual drawings.
Most online dating games are actually questionnaires to help you complete a better profile for your current online adult dating service, and are harmless enough, just be sure to check the ratings before using them, most have an intolerable amount of pop ups, because they are considered free dating online tools.
Cupid's arrow was a good idea, but when you log on you are taken to a board where no matter which game you choose you are told that the merchant no longer is an affiliate of the program, this site was originally set up so singles could gather around a virtual roulette table and play other casino games while chatting. A good idea for adult online dating, too bad it didn't last.
But here's a fun one, check out your compatibility via biorhythms on agapi.com. Just type in your name and birthday and your potential special friend's birthday and see where it takes you! Rhythms are measured in intellect, physical, and emotional compatibility. Online dating games can be a way to take a break from surfing the online singles dating sites, without taking your mind away from what you're trying to achieve, it's just another way of reminding yourself to not take it all too seriously. Dating and finding dates should be fun, so take a break and enjoy!
Erick Shipmon has been an online marketer since 1997. He currently is the President and CEO of Download 7 Secrets To Building Deep Attraction Online
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FIRST:
I really read everything on paper about me in sundry blog, to the latitude that all these good things route to me and I am blas'e and reluctant about it all. My first instinct was to transform my eyes dismissively, in the same way as people own up gotten the inaccurate idea about me not later than and too, I get agitated about close things all the time. I am all kinds of spry and snug. As a result I consideration about it some bonus, in the same way as I would revulsion to come cater-cornered as a exhausted and off-putting New Yorker--or poorer, human being who is unthankful for the positive facets of their life.
To affect, I am physically loving life these days. I love my routines and self-rule, and the self-possession I own up between the closely controlled (food, exercise, work) and the free-form (social activity, release time). I make something stand out that I am tremendously in good health to own up a nice room with a lovely roommate, a job that doesn't make me want to ravine my wrists every Monday dawn, a loving family, bonus friends than I can do a blameless job of maintenance in touch with, good capability (namely a rigid liver), a strong line of gratitude, and a obvious fee of goal and sweetness (the vastly organization I leave to be fearless by others).
The odd eccentricity is, maximum of the second was true four months ago, too, yet donate were days, weeks, when on earth life was tormented, cloudy, exhausted.
I chronicled my autumn depression put on to an latitude, but I never wrote about how bad it got. It got scenic bad; I don't right away want to go into argument, in the same way as it saddens and frightens me to spontaneous it. Suffice it to say, donate were moments someplace I indubitably knew I had never been bonus dejected in my life and didn't know how I'd make it from one day to the minute. The scariest times weren't when on earth it cruelty, but when on earth it didn't, when on earth I felt a major objectivity to the world around me. It was the lowest amount I had ever been.
It's inelegant to say how future of the depression was circumstantial and how future of it constrain own up been chemical; I do know that when on earth I started plunder better care of my body, my mental fling well again (thank you, endorphins!). My mood well again right away bonus when on earth I started writing practically again, when on earth I rediscovered the ability to be inspired. One of it was pleasantly a concerted transport to dig in person out of the depression, to like life bonus and like in person bonus.
Because I'm getting at is that I am tremendously happy and indebted to be someplace I am today, to not feel like that anymore, to appreciate life again.
From the time when the theme of this blog tends to be dating- and relationship-oriented, it has been a future smaller theme of my life for the go on copious months. To put it in angle, if I did a pie chart of my take care of, I'd say 5-10% would own up to do with dating, crushes, etc. I looked-for to figure that the same as donate seems to be some misinterpretation about how carried disallowed I'm getting with my emotions. Absolutely the quarrelsome.
I'm behave a lot of renewal these days, and I know this new happiness may be consumable and passing, so I am behave everything I can to encircle and abet it. Right now, that dike maintenance a bit of distance between me and future people. At the end of the day, it constrain mean allowing for bonus firmness and instability. I don't see that stirring for some time, in spite of this. Which doesn't speak to a lack of joy or passion on my part, but a mood of hopeful watch out and be bothered.
It's comforting to own up this emotional scaffolding around me; I need it stage I consider the running. I like to bad deal that when on earth I'm stronger, better, I'll be fitting of right away best quality love and happiness. It won't be long.
When attempting to dissect masculinity and femininity and discover the scope of their roles in how we live our lives, it doesn't take long to recognize that while the two genders do use the same language, the way that they approach things and think about things is, in aggregate, very different.
(Well, "duh". "Brilliant "insight, Ian.)
Most folks stop there and leave the rest up to culture and society to determine. But when you keep delving into just HOW the genders approach things differently, even more observations are possible. For instance, while both men and women have a plethora of common values as human beings, each gender brings a different priority set of those values to the table often influenced by whether they sit or stand when they pee.
Case in point: Over at the venerable lefty HuffPo, a recent post by Jean Oelwang, CEO of Virgin Unite, the entrepreneurial foundation of the worldwide Virgin Group, illustrates this better than I could. In an effort to find a silver lining in the crappy economy and heated gender wars, she bravely points out several ways that business is "better" in the 21st century, thanks to female values. (In fairness, she squirms away from labelling them as such, attempting to find a gender-neutral description that encompasses these values, so she settles on Gaian Values. After Gaia, the ancient Greek Mother Goddess. A swing and a miss!)
She begins thusly:
"I believe that women haven't been assuming more leadership positions in the world today because the systems we've created often do not place the right value on the strengths that women can bring to the table."
This, of course, flies in the face of the fact that women have been assuming leadership positions at an ever-increasing rate. Indeed, she takes apparent issue at the rate, and wants it to increase even more. Why? Because the "systems" we've created don't place the "right value" on women's strengths.
Only they aren't really "women's" strengths, because that wouldn't be politically correct, hence the Gaia imagery to encompass all. Bowing before the female value of Consensus, she equivocates and refuses to attempt to instill a sense of Order on the subject by calling out feminine values as feminine. But then she goes on to point them out exclusively where she sees women displaying them:
Here are three that tend to be prominent in many of the inspiring women I've had the good fortune to work with. Let's break these down and examine them as Feminine Values, instead of Gaian Values.
PEOPLE MATTER -- capitalism started out with this premise, freeing people to make a living and pursue their dreams, but as greed fogged people's views on what really matters, the increasing lack of equity has led to unacceptable human suffering.
Fortunately, our newly connected world has now put the power back into people's hands. Leaders who put people and equity first will break through the glass ceiling hand in hand with the people they are leading."People Matter" is the same thing as saying "Feelings matter". In point of fact, capitalism started out with no more sophisticated premise than maximizing profits and creating wealth -- people were merely factors in the equation. The goal wasn't to free people to make a living and pursue dreams, it was to sell a product or service at a profit. Romanticizing capitalism (which was invented, developed, and perfected by males, according to Male" Values) is no more than a clever rationalization. People are "resources" to capitalism, and while they are valuable resources capitalism doesn't owe them anything but honest pay for honest work, and possibly health-insurance where mandated.
While industrial capitalism frequently sought to diminish the role of the worker's needs in an effort to simplify and streamline the process, industrial capitalism is nearly dead in our country. The "power" in the people's hands stems from their ability to access and use the internet, not through any real evolution in business philosophy. So while "people matter", these days "people matter" the most when their jobs can be eliminated. And the leaders who put people first -- over profits, over policy, over efficiency -- are going to find themselves out of the job, because shareholders don't care about people. They care about profits and retuns-on-investment.
"People Matter" means "business should be run for the benefit of the workers, and not the other stakeholders". "People Matter", in Female Values, actually means "all people matter equally", that the "product" is of less value than the "process". That's not to say it isn't, strictly speaking, true -- just not in the way Ms. Oelwang presents.
THE MALE VALUE COROLLARY OF "PEOPLE MATTER" IS "SOME" PEOPLE MATTER "MORE THAN OTHERS", and that irks the female valued ideal of absolute consensus and fairness. It's "not" egalitarian. It's openly elitist. And it's a Red Pill observable truth. It is an evolved and well-trusted male value that the RIGHT MAN FOR THE RIGHT JOB brings smoother production, higher efficiency, and a sense of competition that fuels innovation and improvement in both process and product. Get the right designer in your firm and your kids go to Harvard. Get the wrong one, and they're going to end up sending them to community college.
Consider: the key position in an advertising agency, Creative Director, is the one responsible for hiring artists, copywriters, printers, and dealing with the needs of the client. Get a bad Creative Director and your clients fell like lemmings. Get a good one and the phone doesn't stop ringing. As impressive or non-impressive as the title Creative Director is, in most shops it is the key job. It usually comes with more money, more responsibility, and more prestige.
Under "People Matter", the person who has the greatest need for those additional resources (pay, responsibility, prestige) should be given the job. If Frank and Felicia are both up for it, competitively, then the president of the company is going to have to make a decision... and if he makes that decision based on Felicia's seniority and the fact that everyone in the office likes her and thinks she deserves it, then he may well be skipping the fact that Felicia hasn't had an original thought in two decades and still keeps a MySpace account active. Frank might be a son-of-a-bitch to work for, and he might already have a bulging 401k and own his own home, but when the rubber meets the road his original ideas are what propel clients and move profits, not the "people matter" selection of Felicia for the job of Creative Director.
The difference in approach is telling. It's one reason why women tend to perform better in process-oriented work, for example. Human resource departments attract women because the "people matter" value is ingrained at a vocational level in them, whereas sales departments, the most competitive arena in business, tend to be predominantly male in most industries.
But most men understand the value of "people matter" much differently, and often in the negative. One idiot on the team can, for example, doom the entire team if he/she doesn't know their shit. "People Matter" is a Feminine Value... but to the Masculine Value system it's more of a warning.
OPENNESS IS THE BEST POLICY -- as the world becomes more interconnected, this value will become more important. Honest dialogue will become the new power, the new success, the new sexy.
Uh, "no."
"Openness is the best policy" can be most easily seen as a Female Value on the principal that women have a seemingly pathological instinct to expose that which is hidden for no better reason than it shouldn't be hidden... according to their judgement.
MEN KEEP SECRETS. That's something that drives women crazy, even if they do a fair amount of it themselves. Worse (to women), men keep secrets and then don't even have the good grace to feel horribly guilty about it... so guilty they just HAVE to tell someone to spare their soul the burden.
"Openness is the best policy" is a Female Value, but it comes with many, many strings. For one, "openness is the best policy" does not in fact celebrate accountability, as it seems to on the surface. "Accountability is the best policy" could be construed as a Masculine Value, but accountability and "openness" are two very different things. Women value "openness", but they often fear true accountability. Women love to "clear the air" in an office environment, for instance, because airing grievances makes them feel better. But once a male colleague attempts to call a female teammate to account about actual work performance, perhaps asking for specific work products or a time log of hours worked, suddenly "openness" isn't quite so important as "consensus".
And as far as "honest dialog", the Female Value of Openness is "highly" selective about just how honest the dialog can become before it crosses a line. TRUE honesty and accountability are not what is being promoted here. It is the mere "appearance" of transparency, with the understanding that the ability to be honest in discussions ceases being a benefit when it ceases being a boon to women.
What Ms. Oelwang seems to be trying to denigrate is the male propensity for "conserving information." Why do we do this, when "openness is the best policy"?
Because MEN COMPETE, AND SECRETS GIVE US A COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE. "Openness" is an attempt to limit those carefully-cultivated advantages to the benefit of others, i.e. women who "didn't "cultivate secrets. If Frank spends all weekend building a new ad campaign for his firm's new client in an effort to get the plum assignment, he isn't going to want to share that information with Felicia, because he and Felicia are COMPETITORS even if they are working for the same company. Competition is a strong Masculine Value, and it is the basis on which capitalism is predicated. Therefore Openness, as Ms. Oelwang describes it, is antithetical to the male value of competitiveness.
COLLABORATION IS QUEEN -- the fight for the top rung of the ladder is becoming irrelevant in the face of the issues and opportunities we face as a global community.
Bullshit.
Look, I work in a creative field, and there is definitely a role for collaboration. but beware this term. It "use" to mean "equal contribution by both parties to the final product", but these days it usually means "can I get my name on that paper if I type it up for you?"
Collaboration is a rationalization for Consensus, a Female Value. Individual efforts in a competitive marketplace promotes the individual and individual achievement. "Collaboration" allows the consensus to take credit regardless of the efforts of the collaborating parties, and allows those parties plausible deniability to the point of escaping accountability.
The problem is that women see competition merely as a "fight for the top rung of the ladder", instead of the far more nuanced approach that men take. Yes, ascending the hierarchy is a major goal, not because it grants you more power and resources (those are just gravy), but because it is proof of your competitive value. Consensus and collaboration bleed achievement of its glory. Being the author of a brilliant paper is outstanding... being one of seven authors of a brilliant paper is six-sevenths less outstanding.
The difference in approach is reflective of how men and women view such efforts in general. Males value competition, because it allows them a means of distinguishing themselves among men which in turns attracts mating possibilities and social capital within the Male Social Matrix. Females dislike being singled out for achievement, because within the Female Social Matrix women who achieve beyond the limits of consensus are singled out for attack by the rest of the crab-basket. Women enjoy "collaboration" because it conceals the scope and quality of their individual work and allows them to hide within the collective collaboration.
Since when is position, prestige, money and power "irrelevant?" That sounds like someone who has made it trying to convince her competitors that they can quit competing now because the game is over. What Ms. Oelwang does not mention is that while "collaboration is queen" in the post-industrial economy, "competition is STILL King", and therefore more important. Collaborate all you like... but your "collaborators" will not hesitate to use your collaboration as a weakness against you. Cooperation is great, until the effort you spend in the cooperation becomes less than the value you receive from it. Because at that point, you are essentially working for someone else, ala Tom Sawyer.
Remember when he got every boy in the neighborhood to collaborate on painting a fence?
Ms. Oelwang finishes with" this" inspiring call-to-action:
Those who join forces with others for far better outcomes will topple the ladders and build solid, equitable foundations for the emergence of a new way of living and doing business.
So women (and men) armed with these Gaia values are perfectly positioned to take on powerful leadership roles in this changing world order.
The future of successful business will incorporate these values and always do well by doing good. At Virgin Unite we've been calling this "Screwing Business as Usual." There has never been a better time and more critical need for women to embrace leadership roles and for all of us to embrace their Gaia.
This is where she essentially encourages everyone to abandon business practices that have been effective and efficient for centuries... because we'll feel better about things when we do. While Ms. Oelwang is quick to point out that these "new" values are going to lead to a "new way of living and doing business", she fails to specify in any meaningful way why this should be the case... or whether or not it manages to achieve anything other than "feeling good". And the last time I saw an organization who judged its success on whether or not everyone was feeling good was a kids' summer camp.
Major multinational corporations? Not so much.
Ms. Oelwang and her compatriots can attempt to trumpet Female Values as superior in this new age and new economy, but they aren't making a compelling point for them. At most she's putting it forward as "if you don't conform to this then the women in the workplace will throw rocks at you", hardly a compelling argument.
Its telling that the division of Virgin she leads is the..." charitable" division. The place where Sir Richard Branson makes himself feel better about his billions. While philanthropic and charitable organizations are noble and important elements of the free market system, one can hardly call the same values and virtues that work with non-profits and export them to the "real" business world. Female Values work great when the goal is to give money away. When the goal is to MAKE money, however...
Just imagine a small company espousing these Female Values. Say an advertising agency.
"McWomann and Tate" agency, a small competitor in a large market, wants to succeed. Its female CEO wants to promote collaboration, openness, and "People matter" as proud mission statements. That sounds great on paper, but...
"... when artists and copywriters and other creative people on the payroll are told that their individual contributions to the project they're on will not "be celebrated or rewarded, merely the team's collaborative effort, then the opportunity to distinguish oneself is gone. The opportunity for individual merit and reward is gone. The impetus for bringing your "A" game... gone. In the end, Frank stops even going to the endless collaborative meetings and waits for the team "collaboration" to come up with a concept (even though he's got a" good" one... but he won't bring it because he knows in advance that the collaboration will get credit, not the individual).
... when Felicia starts to suspect that Frank isn't being fully forthcoming with the creative brilliance, due to the dilution of collaboration, she starts "demanding" to see his notes and sketches in the name of the female value of Openness. She accuses Frank of holding out his best work. Frank is understandably reluctant -- he already brought sufficient work to the collaborative effort, more than others, perhaps. He wants to keep his best stuff under wraps until it's well-developed and can be used to greatest effect... for "his "advancement. Mindless devotion to consensus and collaboration, he knows, doesn't get you rewarded in business. It doesn't get you promoted. It doesn't get you noticed. Being open about his work and his perspective would be working counter to Frank's goal of success.
... when Frank decides he wants a couple of supplementary sketches done up real quick, he goes over and asks Fred if he can knock 'em out real quick... in the spirit of "collaboration". But Felicia gets wind of it and doesn't approve -- not when there's a bright young (female) intern, Francine, who is just itching for a chance at the big time and a chance to show up boring old Fred. Felicia intervenes and hands off the work to Francine without telling Frank, because "people matter", and clearly Fred is trying to deprive Francine of opportunity, which hurts her feelings. The fact that Francine can't work at Fred's level is immaterial; the fact that Fred's experience demonstrates he knows what the hell he's doing isn't valid. The fact that Frank knows Fred knows EXACTLY what he wants, and will produce it in a timely manner, is unimportant compared to the feminine value that says Francine's position matters...even if she's been there for less than six months.
When you see feminine values such as openness, collaboration, and "people matter" being promoted at the expense of traditional, proven business values like competition and ambition (which just happen to be a lot like Male Values, for some reason), then beware. Reconsider doing business with that firm. Not because they're being run for women based on female values, but because they probably aren't going to be around very long.
Would you work for McWomann and Tate, knowing that you will never get a chance to shine? As a dude, are you willing to submit yourself to the female value of the Crab Basket, with no one individual EVER rising above the others in any meaningful way without being snapped back? Consider carefully.
The whole "the future of business is doing Good!" (with "good" being defined exclusively by "female" values) is "highly" misleading... and any young man who tries to seriously incorporate them into his career strategy in any real way does so at his peril, unless he's in a barbershop quartet.
Because that's the place where men find the most value in collaboration, openness, and "people mattering. "
"PS: If you haven't seen it yet, check out this month's Prefeminist Artist of the Month page on Coby Whitmore!"
