Today's Funny Sign
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Today's Newspaper Fail
More Funny Newspaper Headlines
Pic of the Day:
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Today's Cute Shot #1:
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Today's Cute Shot #2:
More Animal Pictures
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FUNNY ENGLISH
Today's Texting Abbreviation Quiz:
WHAT DOES "P2P" MEAN?
Peer to peer
WHAT DOES "DPS" MEAN?
Damage per second (online gaming)
WHAT DOES "BBS" MEAN?
Be back soon
More Texting Abbreviations
Today's Riddle:
Not Big:
If a man carried my burden he would break his back.
I am not big but leave silver in my tracks.
What am I?
A snail.
More Riddles
Did They Say It?
~ Did JESSICA SIMPSON actually say "I'm not anorexic. I'm from Texas. Are there people from Texas that are anorexic? I've never heard of one. And that includes me." Yes.
~ Did ANGELINA JOLIE actually say "Brad and I want to continue to adopt, but keeping a big family uses up a lot of money." Yes.
Today's InnocentEnglish Classics:
Funny Mistakes by New English Students:
~ How is your sprinkled ankle? Once I sprinkled my toe, but I put some cream on it so now I can't feel it anymore.
~ My lips are getting dried. I need some good lip bombs.
~ I probably should have gone to the doctor one ear ago.
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FUNNY JOKES, QUOTES AND LINES
Today's Funny Sayings
~ If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... (Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
~ Rehab is for quitters.
Today's Stupid Questions:
~ Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
~ Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
Today's Stand Up Comedy Quote:
~ Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull and you pull, but you can't get the rock out of the ground. So you give it a good kick, but you lose your balance and go skidding down the hill toward the pool. Then out comes a big Hawaiian man who was screwing his wife beside the pool because they thought it was real pretty. He tells you to get out of there, but you start faking it, like you're talking Hawaiian, and then he gets mad and chases you... -- "JACK HANDY"
~ In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. -- "RITA RUDNER"
Today's Pick Up Lines: (Use at your own risk!)
~ Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
~ I really like your peaches, and wanna shake your tree.
Today's Puns:
~ A tatoo artist has designs on his clients.
~ When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.
Today's Funny Southern Expressions:
~ Nuttier than squirrel shit
~ you couldn't catch a catfish in a coffee cup
Today's Jokes
~ After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with 9,000,000, which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment, and the death of an uncle who left him 8,999,999.50.
~ A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says "Oh my, you have such beautiful dogs. What are their names?"
The blonde replies "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex."
The man responds "Huh, that's interesting. Why did you name them such names?"
The blonde sighs and shakes her head "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... duhh, what else would you name your watch dogs?"
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TODAY'S WORD GAMES
Today's Crossword, Sukoku and Hangman:
Today's Crossword Puzzle
Today's Sudoku Puzzle
Today's Hangman and other wordgames
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Source: umad-dating-advices.blogspot.com
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