Close friends should be able to talk about
inadvertent hurts
QUESTION
Hello,
My close friend and her ex-boyfriend
broke up about two years ago. Her ex was friendly with another girl at the time, which caused tension in their relationship.
My boyfriend and her ex have
been friends for a while and hang out together. One night, we happened to be out with her ex and his new girlfriend (the girl he was previously friends with) at a mutual friend's birthday. I happened to be in a group photo the birthday boy posted to Facebook and now my friend feels I betrayed her for being there.
My friend claims to be in
love with her new boyfriend, plus, it has been almost three years since she has been with her ex. Did I do something wrong? I don't even talk to her ex or his girlfriend.
We just happened to be friends with the same person.
She claims I brought back the
pain and it's my fault. Did I betray or is she over reacting?
Signed, Kim
ANSWER
Hi Kim,
You had no way of knowing you
would wind up at the same birthday party as your friend's ex. Moreover, I don't think you would be acting inappropriately if you attended a friend's birthday party, knowing your friend's ex would be there.
Perhaps, your friend was
annoyed because you didn't tell her about it and she found out about it on Facebook. If this is the case, you can apologize for that. On the other hand, had you told her, she still might have still been upset with you being there.
Yes, your friend was
over-reacting and this wasn't a betrayal. Close friends should be able to talk about inadvertent hurts like this one and get over them if the relationship is strong.
Explain your side of the
story to your friend the way you did here. It sounds like she still has strong feelings for her ex that she hasn't gotten over. Hopefully, she'll be able to separate those feelings from her upset with you if you both speak openly.
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