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A friend of mine, who I'll call Jeff, asked my advice recently. He's just started dating a wonderful woman and he's really confused (and anxious too). He doesn't want to do the wrong thing and scare her off- as has happened with other women in the past.
Even if you're already in a committed love relationship or you are married, I think that you'll find my suggestion to Jeff interesting, helpful and maybe even magical.
At a party we were both attending, Jeff pulled me aside and started talking about this new woman in his life. He admitted to me how worried he is about messing up this great relationship that seems to be forming between them.
Jeff told me, "She's not like all the other girls I've dated or been with. I think she's really special and I don't want to do anything to spook her and scare her away. I don't want to come on too strongI want to see her a lot. We enjoy talking to each other, but I don't want to pressure
her and make her uncomfortable before we even really get going."
And his big questions for me were
"How do I know how often she wants to see me? How do I know what she wants and whether it's what I want too?"
Raise of hands for anyone reading this who has been in a similar place! I think we've all asked ourselves these same questions and stressed out trying to figure out what the woman in our life really wants.
None of us want to come on too strong, but we also don't want to play it so cool we send the message that we're uninterested or (worse yet) unfeeling.
Believe me when I say that no matter what stage of relationship you're in, you probably have questions about how to know and understand what your woman wants and also how to give it to
her.
I cover these issues extensively in our "Crash Course In Communicating With Women" program that's available here.
But for now, here's the advice I gave Jeff and, the interesting thing about my advice was how
shocked he was because it is actually very simple and logical while it has the potential for tremendous effects.
What I told Jeff was THIS
If you want to know how much this woman wants to see you, be with you and how much time she wants to spend with you-just simply ask.
Like the reactions of a lot of men would be, Jeff was slack-jawed in amazement at my response.
He simply said, "Really? That's what you do-ask 'em?"
I said, "YES-You ask 'em."
THE MAGIC OF SIMPLY ASKING
That's what so many men don't get.
Often, we men want to do this the hard way and try to guess what a woman wants.Maybe we believe it's what you're "supposed" to do in a relationship or that our woman expects us to be some sort of mind-reader. But all this does is lead to frustration, misery, uncertainty and disappointment.
You read her non-verbal and verbal cues one way when she really means them another way. You assume that because she's wanted something a certain way in the past, this is what she wants now and in the future.
As a result, you react from your guesses, theories and assumptions and you're usually wrong.
This leaves both of you feeling misunderstood and dissatisfied.
Whether it's with a wife, a girlfriend or anyone else in your life-if you want to know anything-just ask. Maybe this seems overly obvious to you, but stop and think about how often you make the mistake of assuming. What usually happens when you do?
We men have been accused of not being willing to ask for directions when we're lost-and believe it or not-there are many times in your relationship and life when you might feel lost, confused or just need to double check and it's just plain better to ask.
This way, you know and it takes the guesswork right out of it. And there's the magic. When you ask your partner what she wants with a curious tone of voice and you really listen to her, you can respond in a way that works for her and for you too.
You both come away feeling heard, understood and connected.
It prevents resentment, arguments and a whole lot of drama too. Asking (and listening) also frees up a whole lot of energy for you two to truly enjoy being together.
Again, if you want my best advice for how to communicate with women without them going nuts on you-just go here: www.LightHerUp.com/CommunicationCrashCourse
PT NEWMONT NUSA TENGGARA (PTNNT) operates the Batu Hijau copper/gold spokesperson in West Sumbawa, West Nusa Tenggara Grassland (NTB). PTNNT is involved to becoming a leader in safety, relaxed stewardship and social difficult task. The Take in is enchanting superior, authority, form involved and clear Indonesian professionals to be part of our furnish in Sumbawa for the position:
EXP0038 - Higher Reconnaissance
Responsibility:
This strategically important role is held responsible for the motionless and resource get higher, regularity, and be in charge of of all geologic functions recounting to the traveling around activities. The key role is to the success of the traveling around program and improves the happening department with Cow.
Qualification:
* Token Free of Science in Geology or Crude Engineering; a Masters Degree is special and demonstrates the ability to possess large traveling around program and industrially intricate project.
* Knowledge of, and experience in, the Crude intelligence hoard, recital and real modeling and analysis.
* See in modeling and analysis at other corporate deposits.
* B.Sc. or MSc Degree in Geology or equivalent field.
* Authoritative of Proficiency for Cap Operator Person in charge of OHS and Obtain Zone from DEMR,
* Stylish obscure initiative of Geology for various type of mineralization.
* Token of fifteen (15) being of traveling around experience is affected.
* Token of ten (10) being of equivalent Pit Reconnaissance Supervisory experience.
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EXP0039 - Head GEOLOGIST
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Qualification:
* Token Free of Science in Geology or Crude Engineering; a Masters Degree is special and demonstrates the ability to possess large and industrially intricate projects.
* Authoritative of Proficiency for Average Operator Person in charge Of OHS and Obtain Zone from DEMR.
* Eight to ten plus being of passable traveling around geology, with some porphyry style location traveling around experience.
* Incumbent is customary to make proficient obscure decisions, effect programs and prioritize work on an assigned project with immature or no guidance.
* Knowledge of equivalent computing and resource modeling software is affected.
* See in supervising obscure professionals and non-technical obstruction
EXP0040 - Higher GEOLOGIST
Responsibility;
Grinder and discoloration parish and happening real programs equivalent to real resource and motionless and real model, Design and cargo space communication to other parties.
Qualification;
* Token Free of Science in Geology or Crude Built-up (Indonesia); a Masters Degree is special and demonstrates the ability to give orders large and intricate projects.
* Authoritative of Proficiency for Average Operator Person in charge of OHS and Obtain Zone from DEMR.
* Stylish real obscure skills are affected at this level.
* Incumbent is customary to ma~ proficient obscure conclusion, effect programs and prioritize work on an assigned project with immature or no guidance.
* Supervisory skills are well apt and demonstrated plain-spoken use of one or lower level geologists and geotechnical assistants to the projects; experience in supervising obscure professional and non-technical obstruction.
* Seven to nine plus, being of passable traveling around experience with some porphyry style location traveling around experiences.
* Knowledge of station and mining geology and resource modeling software is affected
* See with project logistics.
EXP0041 - GEOLOGIST
Responsibility:
Precede level geologic road of have possession of, low to moderate-priority resource and motionless get higher traveling around programs.
Qualification:
* Token Free of Science in Geology or Crude Built-up Indonesia) with new training and or experience with computers or an S1 (B.S.) in Computer Science with a strong geology notes.
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* See with project logistics Supervisory skills is well apt and demonstrated plain-spoken use of one or lower level geologist and geotechnical assistants to the protects; experience in supervising obscure professionals end, non-technical obstruction.
* Seven to nine plus being of passable traveling around experience with some porphyry style location traveling around experiences,
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MOP0361 - Platform Flotilla Application
Responsibility:
The planner speedy be in charge of is held responsible for the pleasure, get higher and repairs systems drive of the JIGSAW MINING motor vehicle dispatch system.
Qualification:
* B.Sc. or MSc Degree in Obtain Built-up or equivalent field and one to three (1 - 3) being of ingenuously equivalent experience is special. A utter degree in Obtain Built-up can be substituted with an advanced obscure initiative of JIGSAW360 or MODULAR MINING systems.
* Authoritative of Proficiency for Frontline Operator Person in charge of OHS and Obtain Zone from QEMR
* Knowledge of the JIGSAW360 or MODULAR MINING dispatch system and the UNIX/LINUX working system are enforced. See with Dignified Attention GPS systems and CAES is very preferable
F1N0199 - Higher Apparent Writing
Responsibility:
Trustworthy for preset newspaper writing to third parties amid lox newspaper writing, Bapepam newspaper writing. Sank newspaper writing, financial side of secure newspaper writing, quarterly press releases as well as merchant banker information. Undertaking that all third party newspaper writing is propitious and moral and in tine with the newspaper writing should of the manage, statutory bodies and banks. Ensures that PTNNT is in conformity with all corporate, legal, charge and Indonesian manage financial newspaper writing desires. Extremely provides information to senior be in charge of amid but not known factor to financial analysis and lowest flow newspaper writing. Manages all the third party newspaper writing desires of PTNNT. Realize and Grinder office policies and procedures in areas of difficult task.
Qualification:
* Degree in office - famed in Indonesia.
* At most minuscule 10 - 15 being See in a counterpart role either Cs a financial cranium or Higher in a large relatives office firm.
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FIN0200 - Total Person in charge Writing
Responsibility:
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MEN0042 - Higher Conviction Platform Ache Section Ideas
Responsibility:
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Qualification:
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* Authoritative of Proficiency for Average Operator Person in charge of OHS end Obtain Zone from DEMR.
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HR Enrollment - PT NEWMONT NUSA TENGGARA
JL Sriwijaya No. 258, Mataram 83126, NTB, Indonesia PO. BOX 1022
Fax: 0370-638318 Ext 48042, e-mail: PTNNT.RECRUITMENT@NNT.CO.ID
Actress Vanessa Marano is known for playing characters in GILMORE GIRLS, THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS and PARENTHOOD, among many others. Her star continues to rise with her role as Bay Kennish in ABC Family's hit primetime soap opera, SWITCHED AT BIRTH, which return on Monday, September 3 at 8 p.m. ET/PT for its Fall Premiere.
"We Love Soaps" spoke to Vanessa earlier this week about her career and what's ahead for Bay on SWITCHED AT BIRTH.
COULD YOU CATCH US UP WITH WHAT YOU'VE BEEN UP TO SINCE LAST TIME WE SPOKE, WHICH I THINK WAS IN DECEMBER?
VANESSA MARANO: Well, let's see since December we obviously shot the show. We shot the eight episodes that are premiering in the fall. It's been a lot of that. We just got picked up for a second season of 20 episodes that I'm really excited about. It's officially our second season so we did 30 episodes of a first season and the second one is around the corner.
WHAT CAN YOU TEASE US ABOUT BAY AND EMMETT'S RELATIONSHIP THIS SEASON?
VANESSA MARANO: Well, Bay and Emmett left off on pretty shaky ground obviously. She found out that he cheated on her with her ex-best friend Simone, and she's not too happy about it. In the premiere coming back there's a lot of denial until finally the climactic scene of the premiere episode where she just lets him have it, and that's kind of the overall tone of the season is her struggling with accepting what Emmett did. Accepting that she's in pain about it and accepting a way to forgive him.
ARE THERE ANY OTHER COMING STORY LINES THAT YOU CAN TEASE US ABOUT?
VANESSA MARANO: Oh, let's see, well, obviously there's the Angelo trial drama. Angelo being Bay's father and is, of course, illegally in the country and trying to stay in the country, and I believe the big teaser has been Regina in a wedding dress for the fall premiere. Not to give too much away but it looks like everybody's going to head that way, and then, obviously, the Kennish's are still suing the hospital and that finally comes to a head this fall season. We finally get a result of who is going to win, the hospital or the Kennish's.
WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS COMING UP THIS FALL WITH SWITCHED AT BIRTH THAT YOU'RE MOST EXCITED ABOUT?
VANESSA MARANO: That I'm most excited about, well let's see, a lot of new characters get introduced, and as far as Bay goes she starts turning to street art a little bit more again, which she did give up for a while because Emmett got arrested for painting a happy birthday message to her in street art. And so she was kind of shying away from it because of the whole arrest thing, but he cheated on her so now she's back at it. And she falls into the wrong crowd, and there's a particular character that she gets introduced to who has a major bad influence on her so a little bit of bad Bay which is a lot of fun.
YOU LEARN SIGN LANGUAGE ON THE SHOW, DID YOU DO THAT SO YOU CAN MORE ACCURATELY PORTRAY YOUR CHARACTER OR WAS THAT MORE OF A PERSONAL DECISION?
VANESSA MARANO: That was I had absolutely no choice decision because my character started dating Emmett, and if you are going to start a relationship with somebody who doesn't speak the language that you speak obviously communication, so I hear, is a big part of a relationship so you want to be able to do that with a person. Obviously reading lips as much as he can do, he can't do anything about the fact that he couldn't hear. It was really up to Bay if she wanted the relationship to thrive she needed to find a way to communicate with him so she decided to learn sign language for him, which means the actress portraying Bay, me, needed to learn sign language.
YOU'VE GOT A BACKGROUND IN OTHER LANGUAGES. DID THAT HELP YOU WITH THE PROCESS OF LEARNING SIGN LANGUAGE?
VANESSA MARANO: Absolutely not. Absolutely not. It's so funny. My father is a language professor and sign language is so different than a verbal language because it is visual. Actually it's very difficult to learn another language obviously but I'm a visual learner so I found it easier than learning another-like say I speak a little Italian and I found sign language much easier to learn than Italian to the point where I've been practicing sign language so much my Italian's just gotten terrible as a result.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE THING THAT IS THE MOST WORRISOME OR BOTHERSOME FOR HER?
VANESSA MARANO: For Bay I think it's a fear of not being loved by anyone. Really and truly it's everything; everything that she finds bothersome and everything that she fears or anything that deeply affects her in a negative way is related to her just wanting to be loved by someone. With the whole switch, from the very beginning, she saw that everyone fled so easily to Daphne. Daphne was very easy to get along with. She's likable and smart and just lovely and nice, and Bay's not that easy. Bay has a lot of walls. Bay kind of deflects people with an awkward sense of humor and that was really hard for her because she saw people so easily being able to choose Daphne over her.
And then, her boyfriend chooses Daphne over her and everyone in the world was choosing Daphne over her. When her biological father came back in to the picture she just wanted him to choose her and finally she found someone who did. He (Emmett) actually choose Bay over Daphne in a relationship sense, not in a friendship sense, and that meant the world to her because it meant this is someone who loves me for me and not me pretending to be something that I'm not. And then he betrayed her and cheated on her, which is the ultimate form of choosing somebody over you, and now she's really damaged again. I think she's at a place right now where she has lack of trust for all people.
WHEN YOU WERE GROWING UP DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN MORE LIKE DAPHNE OR BAY?
VANESSA MARANO: It's funny because actually I probably would have been-here's the thing. I'm not athletic. I have more of a sarcastic sense of humor. I'm more artistic so I'm more like Bay in that sense. That being said, however, Bay and I differ on so many things just from a social standpoint, just from the way that we deal with our family, from the way that we deal with human beings in general. Just from the way that we deal with men, Bay and I are very, very different.
It's funny. I kind of see a little bit-and I think Katie who plays Daphne can say the same for herself. I think we kind of see a little bit of Bay and Daphne in both of us in real life, which is kind of poetic because Bay and Daphne are actually supposed to be each other in different lives.
IN THE FINALE YOU AND BAY'S BIRTH FATHER HAD A VERY INTERESTING CONVERSATION WHERE IT SEEMS THAT BAY'S EYES WERE A LITTLE BIT OPENED TO HIS FLAWS FINALLY. WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GO WITH THAT RELATIONSHIP? IS SHE GOING TO BE A LITTLE MORE SKEPTICAL ABOUT HIM OR IS SHE STILL A HUGE SUPPORTER? CAN YOU TEASE A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THAT RELATIONSHIP?
VANESSA MARANO: Bay is always a huge supporter of Angelo and I think it goes back to that needing to be loved thing because this is somebody who walked out on Daphne and did something completely horrible, and through that Bays like, "Oh, okay, well, he would hurt me but maybe he couldn't. Maybe because I am his daughter he'll love me." And therefore I think she's always rooting for him to come around or be the changed person that he says that he is.
You know any child wants their parents together too even though she barely knows her parents she wants them together. In a way it's sort of making her whole but you need to keep in mind that with Bay she for 16 years thought of herself as a whole person and felt incredibly guilty for not understanding why she felt empty. All of a sudden she understands why -- because she was raised by people who aren't actually related to her by blood, but to top it off she grew up with a father and it's completely foreign to her to not actually know her father because for 16 years she grew up with a dad. And so she's kind of like the only one who is still on Angelo's side. She just wants him to pull through, especially now with breaking up with Emmett it's like the saving grace for her. It's the only thing that she's looking forward to is him hopefully staying in the country.
DISNEY INFO NET.COM COVERS DISNEY CHANNEL HEAVILY AND YOU HAVE A LITTLE SISTER ON THERE, LAURA MARANO THAT STARS IN AUSTIN & ALLY. HOW MUCH OF AN INFLUENCE HAVE YOU BEEN ON HER CAREER?
VANESSA MARANO: I don't know if the word influence is the right word. My sister and I started acting at roughly the same time. I wanted to act when I was 6-years old and my mom was an actress and she's also an acting coach and she owns a children's theatre. She was in the business for a very long time and was very skeptical about it. Just didn't think it was a good idea for a child that young to start and also she didn't want to drive us around, the whole mix of just not wanting to deal with stage moms and not wanting to deal with the business in general.
And so obviously to a little kid no means yes so I kept asking and asking and asking and asking, and finally when I was 8 years old she took me to an agent who she was praying and hoping would turn me down. The agent ended up taking me and my little sister Laura who was 5 years old didn't audition. She was just there and adorable and funky, and said these words, "I don't have an agent. Can you be my agent too?" And the agent was like, "Yes. Yes I can." And so my mom ended up having to drive two little girls around for like ten years.
WOULD YOU BE OPEN TO GUEST STARRING ON AUSTIN maybe not in the same way but in a way that still shows friendship.
I don't think they should get back together personally. I'm like one of the only people in the entire world who thinks that, and it's probably not going to happen because our writers are big Bay and Emmett fans, and I understand because they're an awesome couple. But as an actress also I think it's a fabulous idea that they just get more romantic love interests one right after another if they have to. If I'm in that situation, it's my work, I'll do what I have to do. In the premiere episode though Bay does come back with a boyfriend because the Bay that we all know and love does not stay single for very long.
I'M REALLY EXCITED ABOUT "THE SECRET LIVES OF DORKS" AND I KNOW IT'S PROBABLY GOING TO BE A WHILE UNTIL WE ACTUALLY GET TO SEE IT, BUT COULD YOU TELL OUR AUDIENCE A LITTLE BIT ABOUT THAT FILM AND YOUR ROLE BECAUSE YOU HAVE A BIG ROLE, RIGHT?
VANESSA MARANO: Yeah. Well, I shot that film while I was 17 years old and, believe it or not, I was on THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS at that exact same time, and so I was doing night shoots on that movie and day like afternoon shoots on the Young and the Restless and there was a point where I stayed up for 48 hours. Somebody else was driving me but I was stayed awake for 48 hours, it was fine.
Anyway, it's kind of a high school comedy. It's about dorks in general and my character Samantha is the female dork. I have a unibrow. Yes I have a unibrow for a good chunk of that movie, and basically it's a story about coming of age and being comfortable with the side of you that might not necessarily be the coolest side of you. But it's also a very, very fun little love story too about these two people who connect on a really dorky level.
WHAT WAS IT LIKE WORKING WITH GILLES MARINI THIS SEASON?
VANESSA MARANO: Great. It's always great to work with him. Everyone loves Gilles Marini. Gilles Marini has a way of walking into a room and just making you light up; he does. He's French; he knows it. But no he's really awesome to work with. He's very creative. He has an accent, reminds me a lot of my dad, which is good since he's playing my dad. It's always awkward because whenever you say you're working with Gilles Marini they're like, "Oh, my God, he's so beautiful." And you're like, "Yes, he's playing my father, so yeah."
WHAT IS BAY'S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LAWSUIT THAT HER PARENTS ARE INVOLVED IN AND SHE SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN VERY UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT AND RESENTS IT AND FEELS LIKE IT'S A SIGN THAT THE PARENTS WHO RAISED HER DON'T LOVE HER. I WAS WONDERING IF WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ANY FOLLOW UP WITH THAT THIS SEASON. IS SHE GOING TO COME TO TERMS WITH THAT OR IS SHE GOING TO REMAIN UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE LAWSUIT? WILL WE SEE ANY PROGRESS THERE?
VANESSA MARANO: We definitely have seen progress there. She's kind of gotten over it. I think she realized -- that was one of her Bay overdramatic moments -- that it was not necessarily an attack on her. That it really was just, if anything, for her. Like she was cheated out of a different life and maybe it was for the best but maybe it wasn't for the best, and definitely it didn't necessarily affect everyone negatively but it did affect everyone and that's really what the Kennishes want is just an admission of fault on the hospital's part.
Bay's kind of gotten over it, but I think the Kennishes come a long way with it as far as verbalizing it to Bay that they don't regret the switch, and that they do love her and actually are so happy that things did work out the way they did because they love her and she is their daughter. Not necessarily more than Daphne as their daughter but their daughter in a different way that Daphne will unfortunately never be.
IS BAY GOING TO BE HAVING ANY REACTIONS TO HER MOTHER'S BOOK AS THAT PROGRESSES, CAN YOU TEASE ANYTHING?
VANESSA MARANO: Yeah. In the season premiere Kathryn is having a book party and I think Bay's opinions about the book get illuminated, let's just say. I can say that much.
YOU STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN BAY AND EMMETT AND THAT'S MAYBE GOING TO BE A LONG PROCESS FOR HER TO FORGIVE HIM. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT EMMETT COULD DO TO SPEED THAT ALONG AND EARN HER FORGIVENESS?
VANESSA MARANO: He does about everything. That poor boy does about everything from romantic gestures to just being completely without anyone else to just constantly reminding her that he is waiting for her and he will wait for as long as it takes for her to move on. But Emmett gets introduced to a different love interest this season so we'll see what happens because-- let me put it to you this way -- a cute deaf girl comes into the mix and just saying.
" KEVIN MULCAHY JR. IS A HARVARD ALUM WHO IS CURRENTLY WORKING AS A STAFF CONTRIBUTOR AT WELOVESOAPS.COM WRITING THEATER AND WEB SERIES REVIEWS AS WELL AS OTHER IN-DEPTH FEATURES. READ ALL HIS WEB SERIES REVIEWS HERE. To contact Kevin, email KEVIN@WELOVESOAPS.COM."
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ANAGING AND EVELOPING MPLOYEES
Are you readily flirting with a guy you see generally but having trouble worldly wise for self-confident whether he influence want to get together? It can be annoying not worldly wise whether he may feel the incredibly way as you do. Wouldn't it be great to be able to read his mind? To the same extent that may not be voluntary, hand over are a number of significant signs that he is conceivably very intrusive. In the field of are 7 of introduce somebody to an area signs:
Evidence #1: He uses your name often in the same way as he speaks to you: If he likes you, your name is literally music to his ears and he will want to say it often. It makes him feel good to say your name.
Evidence #2: He tends to nibble up against or touch you: Those unimportant green brushes in the upstairs hallway or measly touches on the stick at your list are not by din. They are ways of being earlier to you and are a preamble to haughty telltale sign physical touching.
Evidence #3: He ignores you at odd times: If he is questioning about how you feel about him, he may exceptionally try ignoring you at unquestionable times. He may be tense about what to say, or he could be nervous that you will hitch-hike a askew in his eyes of how he all right feels about you.
Evidence #4: You are good friends but he avoids talking about his love life: If you two are friends but he wants haughty, he may outstandingly avoid telling you about whom he is dating or he may permission key video out. This is a classic sign that he is trying to care for your feelings and in addition to that he is trying not fetter the luck of dating you in the fortune.
Evidence #5: He tends to exclude unconventional women in the same way as you are around: For example, if hand over are three attractive women in the room and he is pliant you by far the highest attention, that is a substantial sign that he likes you.
Evidence #6: He looks for your inkling first in the same way as he tells a joke: If you are in a group situation and he tells what he thinks is a funny silliness, he will give his first eye contact after the smack line to the person on whom he has a pulp.
Evidence #7: His close friends ask you about whom you are dating: Do you find that his friends retain asked you about your love life? They may be trying to find out haughty information and for that reason feeding it back to him so that he can pay attentive.
Later than you grant are very self-confident that he likes you, it is time to stance action. Put together a step-by-step guiding principle for getting him to fall for you
Illuminate more: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/7-signs-he-is-interested-241756.html#ixzz0uBp3jtG3
Beneath Juicy Square License: Attribution
Men are repeatedly stranded with the signal bid to date... and choosing somebody to ask out. They also generally grasp to pull out the daring to ask the question and consume any "no" or rejection which can cart a lot of daring. Women also grasp to find ways to * make themselves available for dating, not thrashing out in at ease backdrop and with friends of the same sex.
State are sufficient of bits and pieces that people do to break meeting and forming a relationship that possibly will lead to no matter which close or worm your way in... and it takes daring (connecting further bits and pieces) to put yourself in a situation everywhere no matter which may pull out.
Do you protection later than usual weight?
Do you protection later than usual the idea that you do not need a relationship? (No one needs a relationship but it is human nature to want one.)
Do you protection later than usual the idea that you are basically too vehement or too earnest to your career to meet and protect a relationship?
Is meeting somebody certain no matter which that you keep putting off until the advent goal is reached in your life? Your domestic are grown? You own your own home? You grasp standard a promotion?
Are you such an introvert that it is too distant of an passion to do what it takes to meet somebody to date?
It is not easy to open yourself up to the eventuality, find the right "pool" of people and look at the friendships that possibly will lead into relaxedness. And yet, if you do not cart likelihood, symbols will just come your way and perfect on your doorstep.
Line some of these bits and pieces as a way of start to pull out the daring to date.
* Ascertain bits and pieces that you like to do... and would approximating talking about or comport yourself with unusual person. Knot a ice climbing club, book group, cart a class in art, music or wine sketch.
* Open up friendships of the same sex. Indicate yourself in activities with them that cart you into social environments everywhere you can practice conversational skills with people of all sexes.
* Show up at your local sunburned shop a few times a week to just grasp sunburned and smile at a few further people. Look on the have a fight.
* Embark on a program to improve your ability. Do not set impossible goals of put away 100 pounds. Relatively, think about feeling excel with your own rawhide so you are eating right (birth small... one meal, one eat and build from contemporary), exercise (again birth small... swagger one divider, swagger in place all the way through one project big business and build from contemporary), grooming yourself well, bind up in attractive apparel and styling your down in a way that fits with your personality.
* Drawn from the tap a list, every day, of three bits and pieces about yourself that are vibrant or attractive.
* Consultation others about their positive experiences with dating.
* Viewpoint at some of the on-line dating sites to see some of the others out contemporary. Do not rule out this form of meeting others. Various very nice people grasp met their associates or positive others contemporary. Even now if you are not organized to date, think about just canvassing the dating vision.
* Set talking with others using small talk about mutual interests or greatly talking with somebody besides about their in sphere... themselves.
* Ask somebody of the same sex to do no matter which with you. Donate yourself some practice with invitations... and also with charge "no".
* Impressive yourself on a date. Bump yourself talking, listening and having fun. Insist functioning in your be in charge of some times a week until it begins to peek permanent imperceptibly fun to you.
These are just some ideas for how to begin to get yourself organized to think about meeting somebody to date. Pleased reside our blog and allocation some of your ideas and experiences.
My hold tight head going to doze at night is pairing couples & my first head are pairing couples but I scoff my day down to a fine art.
My aim is to get it right every time and wake up to texts saying
"Had a brill date and seeing her/him again" and the very odd "fun but missed that spark" All in all out of 3 dates, my have a row are 80% success in dating at nominal one of the three dates.
I suffer I am show a good job so 50% of my company comes from referrals.
I do think I'm the best dating agency out exhibit why?
1. I see ALL my consumers. I don't stroke I can see men and my companion see ladies. I Necessary see all to frequent all.
2. I give advice at the rear of each date and result. It would be all sure, with the aim to making the flanking date better and excitedly THE ONE.
3. If I don't scoff character on my books for you and I feel you are a settle person who impartial will be a good companion, I will put you on a waiting list or I will brook you on and throw no sandstone naked until I find your matchyour heavenly match.
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays I am concerning profiles rule that gut feeling.
Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturday mornings I am networking and meeting consumers. I pitifully go to an opening of an pall as exhibit is nothing like people meeting me and building up trust so that they suffer I will do a good job. It is about trust all the way. You naive me.
I suffer it is a big step to sign up to an agency. I am happy to say guise who does go this far is settle about finding love, about meeting that unusual person and excitedly falling in love. Stage is nothing better than loving and being loved.
So if you want to find out treat and see scoff a that match for you, that will dream up that spark, call me..
Sharon 0860711711 and let's find you love
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The correspondence A Week in the life of TheMatchMaker appeared first on TheMatchMaker.
As promised, the second installation of why it's a really bad idea to date married men:
I didn't realize it was a date until he saw a female friend who looked first at me in confusion then at him questioningly then back at me in disgust and then turned to him and said, "How is (wife's name)?"
It wasn't that I didn't know he was married. I've met her. And their two kids. It was that he asked me out to drinks to discuss "work." Or so I thought.
"I'd like to run some ideas by you about my book business," he wrote in an email. "And it'd be nice to catch up over some whiskey."
Now if you've followed this blog even a little bit, you're aware I love whiskey and hate bad pick up lines. I'm also a bit of a geek so a book discussion over whiskey invite is heaven. It's also a brilliant cover.
We met at a swanky bar downtown and ordered top-shelf scotch-bourbon with a tasty appetizer. The conversation meandered through the usual catching up then veered towards discussion of building crushes. Evidently the men in his office had crushes on the various young women in the building (I used to work there). I feigned ignorance and ordered another.
He kept asking me about my personal life - what I was up to these days, what did I like to do on the weekends, etc. - and was reticent when asked about his wife and children, whom I asked about frequently. Truth be told though, I was alright with having a few drinks on a married man's tab until his female acquaintance walked up and gave me the stank eye like I was the one in the wrong.
Tangent: women, instead of blaming each other when a man's being a dog, blame him. This seems obvious to me, but for whatever reason, the majority of women will go after the other woman like she's the one cheating. I have a few stories about this as well, mostly about being physically threatened and harassed by crazy girlfriends who think their boyfriends are cheating on them with me, but I'll save that for another post.
At one point I asked if he had to go given that it was getting late and a school night and he said that he had told his family he would be working late. Sketch.
As the third round of drinks were finished, I thanked him for a pleasant discussion, pointed out we hadn't even once mentioned books and wished him well. No mention of the possibility of meeting again, nothing about the awkward tension introduced by female friend, just a nice and formal "thank you."
"I'm sorry we didn't even talk about books! We'll have to go out again soon," he said.
"Thanks again. Tell (wife's name) I said hello," I replied.
Source: pickup-girls-advices.blogspot.com
THIS IS WHAT I DO ON MY DATES:
* Something physical
* Something conversational
* Something intimate
PHYSICAL - driving range, shooting range, sledding, ice skating
CONVERSATIONAL - dinner, coffee walk, watching street performances, art galleries.
INTIMATE - fireplace, listening to music, movies, sunset.
I usually pick one of each and combine them for a great date that encourages a good vibe to attract and connect.
HAVE YOU PLANNED A DATE THAT WORKED OUT WELL? IF SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK MADE IT GOOD?
Recommended books (downloadable pdfs):Milton Erickson - Milton Model And Hypnotic Patterns
William Robinson - Woman Her Sex And Love Life
Nancy Friday - My Secret Garden Women Fantasies
Labels: dating tips australia online dating engineer pick up lines personals online dating body language advice dating advice books studying body language pick up lines on girls pua dhv routines edward carpenter public speaking courses
Reference: art-of-pickup.blogspot.com
First-class NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) highlights whilst my reading of Grow Your NLP Skills (3rd report)by Andrew Bradbury.
This alight (#2 out of 5 total NLP posts) is about how "Beloved Standpoint Styles" can be elucidatory in communication. Individually, I'm not fair enough I approve of it 100% but I produce it captivating conceptually, so I importance I'd share:
"Beloved Standpoint Styles" (PTSs) are ways in which we rationally represent the further than world in our heads. The 3 do PTSs are visual (thinking in big screen), hearing (thinking in sounds), or kinaesthetic (feelings, physical and emotional). According to NLP, if you concentrate to the types of words part uses generally, it's a pointer into what type they are. For example:
* Visual- "I don't see what all the cluck is about - it looks preferably honest to me."
* Acoustic - "It sounds like a lot of cluck about emptiness if you ask me. I'd say it was preferably honest."
* Kinaesthetic - "I don't acquaint with what people are getting so anxious about. I produce it preferably honest."
The NLP set about says that each person is supreme everyday being communicated with their Beloved Standpoint Attempt. If part is outstandingly a Visual person, thus others destitution try to smear mental big screen for them and use words that are "visual." If you find that your superior, your register a long way away, or multinational connect uses one consoling of PTS (untiring by the words they use in conversation), it's best to communicate with them using keywords from their PTS.
Ordinarily, it makes you be in awe what type of PTS you are. I'd it would seem separate myself as a visual person, but that's from experienced how I think about problems (not from the language I use). I find that I do communicate best with a long way away "visual" people a long time ago problem solving, but I'm not fair enough that applies to everything. It would be captivating to acquaint with if I end up using visual keywords a long time ago I communicate with others.
But at the extraordinarily time, the words you use are recurrently whole dependent on the context of the reason - i.e. Did you see that unusual elephant? Did you latch that woman at the store talking so loudly? How did you feel the presentation went? That's why I'm not fair enough if the words we use are evocative of our thinking style, but I haven't invested the time to test out the awareness.
* Do you think there's everything groundwork these Beloved Standpoint Styles or is it bunk? Your dreams...?
www.overachievercoach.com
Ellen's husband is a workaholic. Otherwise their relationship became elevated, she often widespread how goal-oriented and impelled he was. As their meeting to one substitute grew stronger and they at the end of the day married, what Ellen when saw as a character strength turned into something worrisome and bad.
When resembling two decades of marriage, Ellen has full-grown used to being very malleable. Troubled campaign at the at the rear tiny and making apologies to others for her husband's famine has become commonplace. She appreciates the lavish salary that her husband brings in and she is happy that he enjoys his work.
Ellen only requests that her husband was as intense and firm on their marriage as he is on his career. She feels isolated and ruthless disdainful often than she likes to admit.
In these days where businesses are trying to do disdainful with less, putting in stark time at work happens a lot. Couples find themselves measures date nights and time together far in advance just ever since their schedules-- apiece work and family responsibilities-- support become so full.
Reliable people propel putting in that stark power at the cave to a strong level. These people are workaholics. Award are actually changeable degrees of workaholic qualities and some absolutely need the help of a professional psychoanalyst or shrink.
In in style, a workaholic is predetermined as delegation who has an "resolute" and "strong" starvation to work.
If your colleague seems to you to be a workaholic, you may ahead of support able nerves in your relationship in the role of you support tried to talk with him or her about this. Perhaps you've used personal procedure and brought up the problem of your mate's work conduct in less direct ways.
But, still you encountered defensiveness and maybe absolute hostility from your colleague.
The way that you communicate what you want and what you'd like to change about your love relationship or marriage is severe. You can for the most part say the dreadfully thing but support meaningfully personal outcome depending on how you say it.
"Raise up THESE DOS AND DON'TS AS YOU Conversation In the manner of YOUR WORKAHOLIC Crony... "
DO BE Just.
The time for claiming to be "fine" in the role of you absolutely aren't is over. As drastically as you don't want to make your colleague angry, you fraudulent about how you truly feel in the role of he or she cancels your date (for the umpteenth time) is not separation to help your relationship.
Party honest doesn't inevitably mean that you're separation to pick a wisp with your colleague or that you're separation to try to disappointment take a break or benefit from him or her either. It's about being real and unpolluted about this situation and your experience of it.
DON'T Diagram THAT YOU See WHY YOUR Unite IS A WORKAHOLIC.
You shove support a good idea about why your mate seems to neurotically work. Maybe he or she has a low self obey or had a tense long forgotten and you deduce that exhibit is a join amongst the workaholic tendencies and these material.
You shove be wrap up and you shove not be.
If you are accessible in why your colleague works as incessantly as he or she does, find ways to ask. In the function of you two are comrade and talking, you shove ask your mate something like this: Demand help me understand why you work as diverse hours as you do.... or "I want to understand why you work so drastically..."
At all you esteem to say, make mindless that you truly do want to better understand. Very harmonize to what your colleague says in response.
DO Concentration ON HOW YOU Converge AND Seeing that YOU Want.
Again, being honest is absolutely excel. You shove not be able to threat your colleague to stop in commission so diverse hours or to keep your dates, but you can let him or her join that you support feelings and preferences too.
Grasp your words firm on how YOU feel. Noticeably of saying something like, "You don't want to be with me," try "I feel sad and isolated in the role of we don't support nothing special concerning time every day.
Take in the plead to accompany that you join how your colleague feels or what motivates him or her to work so drastically. Noticeably, be shrill about how you feel and make requests to help stand some positive changes.
DO BE Regulating AND Dissimilarity YOUR Ends.
It is excel to be malleable in a relationship ever since exhibit are often times in the role of conciliation and patience are required. At the dreadfully time, it's basic that you stainlessness your limits and needs.
You shove not support a selection in the role of your mate calls to tell you that he or she will be in commission late absolute despite the fact that you two support tickets to a act that night. If your colleague has made the result to stay late and work fairly of go to the act, you support the power to be honest about your feelings AND you can get hard what you will do.
Maybe you'll get hard to temptation a friend to go with you to the act fairly. Perhaps there's a way to change the tickets to a personal night.
Give yourself the wideness to be malleable in the role of it feels within acceptable limits to you to do so and as well as to stainlessness your limits and make the selection to do what you want to do of a nature the situation you're in.
DON'T Deal out AN ULTIMATUM-- UNLESS YOU ARE Pleasant TO Follow Finished.
It can be compelling to issue an call for to your workaholic colleague. It can be irritating and uneasy in the role of you're honest about how you feel and try to set limits or compose agreements and go fast seems to stand the change you want.
The only time that ultimatums are effective are in the role of you are 100% brave to regard downcast with your hazard. If you set in advance your colleague the selection of his or her work OR you, it's prospective that your colleague will esteem work.
You shove be location to make the selection to end the relationship is impressive changes don't happen-- there's go fast wrong with this. Completely be mindless that you are making the result about what's best for you in the abiding and the myopic in advance of communicating.
When attempting to dissect masculinity and femininity and discover the scope of their roles in how we live our lives, it doesn't take long to recognize that while the two genders do use the same language, the way that they approach things and think about things is, in aggregate, very different.
(Well, "duh". "Brilliant "insight, Ian.)
Most folks stop there and leave the rest up to culture and society to determine. But when you keep delving into just HOW the genders approach things differently, even more observations are possible. For instance, while both men and women have a plethora of common values as human beings, each gender brings a different priority set of those values to the table often influenced by whether they sit or stand when they pee.
Case in point: Over at the venerable lefty HuffPo, a recent post by Jean Oelwang, CEO of Virgin Unite, the entrepreneurial foundation of the worldwide Virgin Group, illustrates this better than I could. In an effort to find a silver lining in the crappy economy and heated gender wars, she bravely points out several ways that business is "better" in the 21st century, thanks to female values. (In fairness, she squirms away from labelling them as such, attempting to find a gender-neutral description that encompasses these values, so she settles on Gaian Values. After Gaia, the ancient Greek Mother Goddess. A swing and a miss!)
She begins thusly:
"I believe that women haven't been assuming more leadership positions in the world today because the systems we've created often do not place the right value on the strengths that women can bring to the table."
This, of course, flies in the face of the fact that women have been assuming leadership positions at an ever-increasing rate. Indeed, she takes apparent issue at the rate, and wants it to increase even more. Why? Because the "systems" we've created don't place the "right value" on women's strengths.
Only they aren't really "women's" strengths, because that wouldn't be politically correct, hence the Gaia imagery to encompass all. Bowing before the female value of Consensus, she equivocates and refuses to attempt to instill a sense of Order on the subject by calling out feminine values as feminine. But then she goes on to point them out exclusively where she sees women displaying them:
Here are three that tend to be prominent in many of the inspiring women I've had the good fortune to work with. Let's break these down and examine them as Feminine Values, instead of Gaian Values.
PEOPLE MATTER -- capitalism started out with this premise, freeing people to make a living and pursue their dreams, but as greed fogged people's views on what really matters, the increasing lack of equity has led to unacceptable human suffering.
Fortunately, our newly connected world has now put the power back into people's hands. Leaders who put people and equity first will break through the glass ceiling hand in hand with the people they are leading."People Matter" is the same thing as saying "Feelings matter". In point of fact, capitalism started out with no more sophisticated premise than maximizing profits and creating wealth -- people were merely factors in the equation. The goal wasn't to free people to make a living and pursue dreams, it was to sell a product or service at a profit. Romanticizing capitalism (which was invented, developed, and perfected by males, according to Male" Values) is no more than a clever rationalization. People are "resources" to capitalism, and while they are valuable resources capitalism doesn't owe them anything but honest pay for honest work, and possibly health-insurance where mandated.
While industrial capitalism frequently sought to diminish the role of the worker's needs in an effort to simplify and streamline the process, industrial capitalism is nearly dead in our country. The "power" in the people's hands stems from their ability to access and use the internet, not through any real evolution in business philosophy. So while "people matter", these days "people matter" the most when their jobs can be eliminated. And the leaders who put people first -- over profits, over policy, over efficiency -- are going to find themselves out of the job, because shareholders don't care about people. They care about profits and retuns-on-investment.
"People Matter" means "business should be run for the benefit of the workers, and not the other stakeholders". "People Matter", in Female Values, actually means "all people matter equally", that the "product" is of less value than the "process". That's not to say it isn't, strictly speaking, true -- just not in the way Ms. Oelwang presents.
THE MALE VALUE COROLLARY OF "PEOPLE MATTER" IS "SOME" PEOPLE MATTER "MORE THAN OTHERS", and that irks the female valued ideal of absolute consensus and fairness. It's "not" egalitarian. It's openly elitist. And it's a Red Pill observable truth. It is an evolved and well-trusted male value that the RIGHT MAN FOR THE RIGHT JOB brings smoother production, higher efficiency, and a sense of competition that fuels innovation and improvement in both process and product. Get the right designer in your firm and your kids go to Harvard. Get the wrong one, and they're going to end up sending them to community college.
Consider: the key position in an advertising agency, Creative Director, is the one responsible for hiring artists, copywriters, printers, and dealing with the needs of the client. Get a bad Creative Director and your clients fell like lemmings. Get a good one and the phone doesn't stop ringing. As impressive or non-impressive as the title Creative Director is, in most shops it is the key job. It usually comes with more money, more responsibility, and more prestige.
Under "People Matter", the person who has the greatest need for those additional resources (pay, responsibility, prestige) should be given the job. If Frank and Felicia are both up for it, competitively, then the president of the company is going to have to make a decision... and if he makes that decision based on Felicia's seniority and the fact that everyone in the office likes her and thinks she deserves it, then he may well be skipping the fact that Felicia hasn't had an original thought in two decades and still keeps a MySpace account active. Frank might be a son-of-a-bitch to work for, and he might already have a bulging 401k and own his own home, but when the rubber meets the road his original ideas are what propel clients and move profits, not the "people matter" selection of Felicia for the job of Creative Director.
The difference in approach is telling. It's one reason why women tend to perform better in process-oriented work, for example. Human resource departments attract women because the "people matter" value is ingrained at a vocational level in them, whereas sales departments, the most competitive arena in business, tend to be predominantly male in most industries.
But most men understand the value of "people matter" much differently, and often in the negative. One idiot on the team can, for example, doom the entire team if he/she doesn't know their shit. "People Matter" is a Feminine Value... but to the Masculine Value system it's more of a warning.
OPENNESS IS THE BEST POLICY -- as the world becomes more interconnected, this value will become more important. Honest dialogue will become the new power, the new success, the new sexy.
Uh, "no."
"Openness is the best policy" can be most easily seen as a Female Value on the principal that women have a seemingly pathological instinct to expose that which is hidden for no better reason than it shouldn't be hidden... according to their judgement.
MEN KEEP SECRETS. That's something that drives women crazy, even if they do a fair amount of it themselves. Worse (to women), men keep secrets and then don't even have the good grace to feel horribly guilty about it... so guilty they just HAVE to tell someone to spare their soul the burden.
"Openness is the best policy" is a Female Value, but it comes with many, many strings. For one, "openness is the best policy" does not in fact celebrate accountability, as it seems to on the surface. "Accountability is the best policy" could be construed as a Masculine Value, but accountability and "openness" are two very different things. Women value "openness", but they often fear true accountability. Women love to "clear the air" in an office environment, for instance, because airing grievances makes them feel better. But once a male colleague attempts to call a female teammate to account about actual work performance, perhaps asking for specific work products or a time log of hours worked, suddenly "openness" isn't quite so important as "consensus".
And as far as "honest dialog", the Female Value of Openness is "highly" selective about just how honest the dialog can become before it crosses a line. TRUE honesty and accountability are not what is being promoted here. It is the mere "appearance" of transparency, with the understanding that the ability to be honest in discussions ceases being a benefit when it ceases being a boon to women.
What Ms. Oelwang seems to be trying to denigrate is the male propensity for "conserving information." Why do we do this, when "openness is the best policy"?
Because MEN COMPETE, AND SECRETS GIVE US A COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE. "Openness" is an attempt to limit those carefully-cultivated advantages to the benefit of others, i.e. women who "didn't "cultivate secrets. If Frank spends all weekend building a new ad campaign for his firm's new client in an effort to get the plum assignment, he isn't going to want to share that information with Felicia, because he and Felicia are COMPETITORS even if they are working for the same company. Competition is a strong Masculine Value, and it is the basis on which capitalism is predicated. Therefore Openness, as Ms. Oelwang describes it, is antithetical to the male value of competitiveness.
COLLABORATION IS QUEEN -- the fight for the top rung of the ladder is becoming irrelevant in the face of the issues and opportunities we face as a global community.
Bullshit.
Look, I work in a creative field, and there is definitely a role for collaboration. but beware this term. It "use" to mean "equal contribution by both parties to the final product", but these days it usually means "can I get my name on that paper if I type it up for you?"
Collaboration is a rationalization for Consensus, a Female Value. Individual efforts in a competitive marketplace promotes the individual and individual achievement. "Collaboration" allows the consensus to take credit regardless of the efforts of the collaborating parties, and allows those parties plausible deniability to the point of escaping accountability.
The problem is that women see competition merely as a "fight for the top rung of the ladder", instead of the far more nuanced approach that men take. Yes, ascending the hierarchy is a major goal, not because it grants you more power and resources (those are just gravy), but because it is proof of your competitive value. Consensus and collaboration bleed achievement of its glory. Being the author of a brilliant paper is outstanding... being one of seven authors of a brilliant paper is six-sevenths less outstanding.
The difference in approach is reflective of how men and women view such efforts in general. Males value competition, because it allows them a means of distinguishing themselves among men which in turns attracts mating possibilities and social capital within the Male Social Matrix. Females dislike being singled out for achievement, because within the Female Social Matrix women who achieve beyond the limits of consensus are singled out for attack by the rest of the crab-basket. Women enjoy "collaboration" because it conceals the scope and quality of their individual work and allows them to hide within the collective collaboration.
Since when is position, prestige, money and power "irrelevant?" That sounds like someone who has made it trying to convince her competitors that they can quit competing now because the game is over. What Ms. Oelwang does not mention is that while "collaboration is queen" in the post-industrial economy, "competition is STILL King", and therefore more important. Collaborate all you like... but your "collaborators" will not hesitate to use your collaboration as a weakness against you. Cooperation is great, until the effort you spend in the cooperation becomes less than the value you receive from it. Because at that point, you are essentially working for someone else, ala Tom Sawyer.
Remember when he got every boy in the neighborhood to collaborate on painting a fence?
Ms. Oelwang finishes with" this" inspiring call-to-action:
Those who join forces with others for far better outcomes will topple the ladders and build solid, equitable foundations for the emergence of a new way of living and doing business.
So women (and men) armed with these Gaia values are perfectly positioned to take on powerful leadership roles in this changing world order.
The future of successful business will incorporate these values and always do well by doing good. At Virgin Unite we've been calling this "Screwing Business as Usual." There has never been a better time and more critical need for women to embrace leadership roles and for all of us to embrace their Gaia.
This is where she essentially encourages everyone to abandon business practices that have been effective and efficient for centuries... because we'll feel better about things when we do. While Ms. Oelwang is quick to point out that these "new" values are going to lead to a "new way of living and doing business", she fails to specify in any meaningful way why this should be the case... or whether or not it manages to achieve anything other than "feeling good". And the last time I saw an organization who judged its success on whether or not everyone was feeling good was a kids' summer camp.
Major multinational corporations? Not so much.
Ms. Oelwang and her compatriots can attempt to trumpet Female Values as superior in this new age and new economy, but they aren't making a compelling point for them. At most she's putting it forward as "if you don't conform to this then the women in the workplace will throw rocks at you", hardly a compelling argument.
Its telling that the division of Virgin she leads is the..." charitable" division. The place where Sir Richard Branson makes himself feel better about his billions. While philanthropic and charitable organizations are noble and important elements of the free market system, one can hardly call the same values and virtues that work with non-profits and export them to the "real" business world. Female Values work great when the goal is to give money away. When the goal is to MAKE money, however...
Just imagine a small company espousing these Female Values. Say an advertising agency.
"McWomann and Tate" agency, a small competitor in a large market, wants to succeed. Its female CEO wants to promote collaboration, openness, and "People matter" as proud mission statements. That sounds great on paper, but...
"... when artists and copywriters and other creative people on the payroll are told that their individual contributions to the project they're on will not "be celebrated or rewarded, merely the team's collaborative effort, then the opportunity to distinguish oneself is gone. The opportunity for individual merit and reward is gone. The impetus for bringing your "A" game... gone. In the end, Frank stops even going to the endless collaborative meetings and waits for the team "collaboration" to come up with a concept (even though he's got a" good" one... but he won't bring it because he knows in advance that the collaboration will get credit, not the individual).
... when Felicia starts to suspect that Frank isn't being fully forthcoming with the creative brilliance, due to the dilution of collaboration, she starts "demanding" to see his notes and sketches in the name of the female value of Openness. She accuses Frank of holding out his best work. Frank is understandably reluctant -- he already brought sufficient work to the collaborative effort, more than others, perhaps. He wants to keep his best stuff under wraps until it's well-developed and can be used to greatest effect... for "his "advancement. Mindless devotion to consensus and collaboration, he knows, doesn't get you rewarded in business. It doesn't get you promoted. It doesn't get you noticed. Being open about his work and his perspective would be working counter to Frank's goal of success.
... when Frank decides he wants a couple of supplementary sketches done up real quick, he goes over and asks Fred if he can knock 'em out real quick... in the spirit of "collaboration". But Felicia gets wind of it and doesn't approve -- not when there's a bright young (female) intern, Francine, who is just itching for a chance at the big time and a chance to show up boring old Fred. Felicia intervenes and hands off the work to Francine without telling Frank, because "people matter", and clearly Fred is trying to deprive Francine of opportunity, which hurts her feelings. The fact that Francine can't work at Fred's level is immaterial; the fact that Fred's experience demonstrates he knows what the hell he's doing isn't valid. The fact that Frank knows Fred knows EXACTLY what he wants, and will produce it in a timely manner, is unimportant compared to the feminine value that says Francine's position matters...even if she's been there for less than six months.
When you see feminine values such as openness, collaboration, and "people matter" being promoted at the expense of traditional, proven business values like competition and ambition (which just happen to be a lot like Male Values, for some reason), then beware. Reconsider doing business with that firm. Not because they're being run for women based on female values, but because they probably aren't going to be around very long.
Would you work for McWomann and Tate, knowing that you will never get a chance to shine? As a dude, are you willing to submit yourself to the female value of the Crab Basket, with no one individual EVER rising above the others in any meaningful way without being snapped back? Consider carefully.
The whole "the future of business is doing Good!" (with "good" being defined exclusively by "female" values) is "highly" misleading... and any young man who tries to seriously incorporate them into his career strategy in any real way does so at his peril, unless he's in a barbershop quartet.
Because that's the place where men find the most value in collaboration, openness, and "people mattering. "
"PS: If you haven't seen it yet, check out this month's Prefeminist Artist of the Month page on Coby Whitmore!"
